Pregnancy Photos - 16 Weeks

Pregnancy #8, baby #6

At 16 weeks I'm wearing some maternity clothes and some "bigger" regular clothes. I'm getting comments from strangers, the most common one being:

"Are you having a boy or a girl?"

How the heck should I know?!

I've consistently gained about 1 pound per week so far. If this trend continues I'll gain a total of 40 pounds.

Side shot - 16 weeks

Front view

And you've just been treated to my first pregnant belly photos ever.

The Roller Coaster: Break Down

This is the fifth post in a special bi-weekly series.  It's a sequel to The Longest Weekend of My Life series.  Please check back next Wednesday for Part 6.

Part 5: Break Down

I was still bleeding on Saturday, still less than a normal period. The cramping had stopped the night before, but I had gone to bed with a migraine and slept fitfully, and the migraine was there to greet me in the morning.  Not wanting to take medication for it, I focused on eating well and trying to nourish my body's needs in any way I could think to. Along with the migraine, I was grumpy. My kids were also in bad moods, and I struggled to keep my emotions in check as I fed everyone breakfast and dealt with trying to get them to do their chores.

I had to sit and quiet myself to help soothe the baby. As I rocked him I felt emotions rising within me. I realized it had been a full week since this whole ordeal had started with the pelvic pain and the trip to Instacare. I realized It had also been about that long since I had cried.

That's when the tears came.

Soft, yet painful, aching tears.

I started praying out loud in an effort to get all of my feelings out of my head and try to make sense of things.

I didn't know how to feel, how to be.

It had been such a strange combination of symptoms, and it felt like a physical and emotional roller coaster. First, the severe pelvic pain, without bleeding. The discovery of the pregnancy coupled with the warning that it might not be viable. The confusion and tears followed by peace. The yearning and searching for answers where there were none to be found. Calm acceptance of whatever would be. The pain had gone completely and I'd allowed myself to feel hopeful, even joyful and elated about the future. I had calculated the due date and dared to imagine our family with a new baby, only to start bleeding and have those hopes virtually ripped to shreds.

What was I feeling? There was anger, even rage, and I found myself unable to keep my emotions under control when faced with any kind of challenge. I threw an adult temper tantrum, throwing things and yelling at the top of my lungs at my children who were refusing to clean their room. Where did that come from? Did they deserve that? No. But I didn't care. Maybe it bought me some time. I wanted to crawl into some obscure hole and hide from my family and the rest of the world, so I couldn't be a danger to anyone but myself. I needed time and space to figure things out, but I didn't know I could possibly get enough, or how or if I ever would figure this out.

I got the baby down for a nap, and I closed myself in a dark room.

I cried. Hard, painful, sobbing tears that shook my body.

For several minutes as I cried, I couldn't speak. I just let the tears flow. When I could speak, I prayed out loud, this time more fervently, more passionately. I begged for comfort. I asked forgiveness for treating my children badly. I explained how I felt and how conflicted I'd been. I had to stop between phrases as more ugly tears would wrack my body. It felt good to let it out.

I realized while praying that I wouldn't know the answers or the end result. It wasn't for me to know whether the pregnancy would last or not. But I could ask for help, comfort, peace, sustaining. It was for me to decide how I would bear this burden and to do it with as much grace as I possibly could. I needed more faith, and I asked for support and help in moving forward the best I could. I asked that I would be able to take care of my family and myself, and as I prayed the tears softened and slowed. I ended my prayer feeling exhausted, but calm. The fear and the anger were gone.

I'm sure my children had heard my sobbing. They'd been in the room on the other side of the door, and as they heard my muffled cries and prayers they had decided to do what I'd asked them to do and work on their bedroom. They were excited to show me what they'd accomplished while I'd been feeling sorry for myself, and it was refreshing to see them cooperating with each other and eager to please. I thought maybe I should have an emotional breakdown more often...

The sadness lingered, and I occasionally found myself sitting at my desk with my head in my hands. My children each came to me at various times and placed their hand on my arm or shoulder, or gave me a hug. My little girl repeatedly walked over to me and tenderly brushed my arm. I knew they felt at least a little bit of what I felt, and they wanted me to feel better. Even though they didn't understand what I was going through, they understood that I needed their comfort. I was grateful for it.

Part 1: Looking Up

Part 2: Seeing Red

Part 3: Malaise

Part 4: Possibilities

Part 5: Break Down

Part 6: Support

Part 7: Perspective

Part 8: Normal?

Part 9: Hindsight

Part 10: Shift

Part 11: Empty

The Longest Weekend of My Life: Decisions

This is the seventh and final post in a special bi-weekly series.  Please check back next Saturday for the continuation of the story in the sequel:  The Roller Coaster.

Part 7: Decisions

I talked with my husband about the situation. Although I was feeling fine and no longer worried about possible complications by that time, he wasn't so sure. He was worried about my well-being and concerned that I might make a decision based on fear (not wanting to face my OB's office, for example) and possibly put myself at further risk. He asked me to follow up with the OB to ensure that I wasn't being negligible about my care. I felt his love and concern for me, and I decided to take his advice.

I called my obstetrician's office and told them about the weekend events at Instacare and the hospital. I informed them of everything, including the fact that my pain had disappeared by Saturday night and hadn't returned. The receptionist put me on hold for several minutes while she consulted with the doctor. When she came back she told me that it was so early in the pregnancy that an ultrasound would be useless. I wished the resident at Instacare had known that before ordering a "pointless" ultrasound!  The OB was recommending a “wait and see” approach. Because I never had any bleeding and my pain was gone, they suggested scheduling an ultrasound at 10 weeks gestation, and in the meantime if I were to have any additional symptoms I should call and schedule an earlier appointment.

The receptionist also said that if I intended to see their office for the duration of the pregnancy I would need to come in for paperwork and an “OB Complete” checkup by 10 weeks, which included a pelvic exam, pap smear and blood work. She asked me if I wanted to do this. I told her that I would most likely plan a home birth and didn't feel a need to see the physician for the routine prenatal schedule, as my midwife would be doing that for me. She informed me that if I wanted to see the obstetrician at all I would still need to complete the paperwork and have the first complete checkup, and I hesitantly agreed. I felt I could satisfy my husband's concerns and “cover my bases” so to speak by seeing the obstetrician once or twice, and continue the duration of my prenatal care with my wonderful midwife.

It felt really good to be fully honest about my intentions with the obstetrician's office. In my last pregnancy I was worried about any opposition I might face if I were to be completely open about my plans. This time I wasn't worried. I was sure about what I wanted, and I wasn't afraid to be up-front about it.

Going through this, I initially felt like closing up. I wanted to close in on myself, curl up in a ball and forget about the outside world. I felt it would be too painful to share with anyone else what I was going through. As my mind and spirit have processed things I've realized that closing up won't help me. I've gone through my life bottling up my feelings, only to find that eventually I had to deal with those feelings one way or another. Rather than help me, keeping myself closed off has proven to be more painful in the long run. I've also learned that I process things and deal with my problems much better by talking things through and sharing them with others. I find comfort in connecting with people, especially when they are supportive and compassionate. The hard part is knowing when it's safe to expose myself to someone and put my heart in their hands.

I'm writing as a form of processing and healing, even as I go through this ordeal. I know I'll share this with everyone I know, because I feel that's what I need to do. I only hope that by sharing my experience I can somehow help provide support, peace, and healing to someone else.

This ends the Longest Weekend of My Life, but the story is not yet over. Check back next week for the next series: The Roller Coaster

Part 1: Preface

Part 2: Bittersweet

Part 3: Numb

Part 4: Peace

Part 5: Waiting

Part 6: Writing and Reading
The Roller Coaster Part 1: Looking Up

Birthing Again: A VBAC Experience

"My first baby was born by cesarean section. My husband and I worked with the same midwives for both births and had desired a natural childbirth with the first. In the first case, I believe that the intervention of surgery was wise. The baby clearly had distress in labor and was born, full term, at only five pounds.

"When my second baby was conceived, we again longed for a natural childbirth. Despite discouragement from doctors and medical advertisements, I was able to birth vaginally this second child. Three conditions especially undergirded this birth: supportive assistants, a pregnancy of heart and body, and an active birth."

Birthing Again: A VBAC Experience is a wonderful article written by Melissa Aberle-Grasse for Mothering Magazine about her VBAC Birth Experience. Please click on the link to read the article in its entirety and learn how Melissa prepared for and followed through with her plans for a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean.

Reducing Infant Mortality

Newborn Mortality (Death) Rate

The United States is one of the only developed nations that continues to have worse infant mortality rates every year. We see more newborn death in the U.S. than every other country in the world that has adopted mother-friendly and baby-friendly birth and post-natal practices.

The video below is very good. It explores the causes of and solutions for infant death. Please take the time to watch it.

Reducing Infant Mortality from Debby Takikawa on Vimeo.

The Guide to a Healthy Birth

I recently ran across a website for a group called Choices in Childbirth.
Their objective is to help educate women so they can make informed choices in their maternity care. They have a pdf e-book that can be downloaded for free:

The Guide to a Healthy Birth

The above link will take you directly to the 2009-2010 edition of the guide. There is also a 2008-2009 edition available. If you happen to live in New York or Philadelphia, there are guides available specifically for those areas as well.

"My Best Birth" Website for Expectant Parents by Ricki Lake & Abby Epstein

The creators of The Business of Being Born have launched a new interactive website for expectant parents and anyone interested in pregnancy and childbirth. The website is:

www.mybestbirth.com

I'm amazed at the multitude of information they have, including a personal page for each member with blog posts, photos, video clips, and more!

Please take some time to check it out, sign up and get involved in the conversations, watch the videos and participate with the upcoming events, contests and discussions.

Preeclampsia, Toximia, HELLP Syndrome & Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension

Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension or PIH is a diagnosis which includes the complications of: toximia, preeclampsia, eclampsia (which indicates that a seizure has occured) and the HELLP (hemolysis, elevated liver enzymes, low platelets) syndrome, which indicates blood and liver complications. The term PIH can be used to refer to any or all of the above complications.

Sustained high blood pressure or Hypertension can increase an expectant woman's risk of reduced placental blood flow to the baby, placental abruption, and possible internal organ damage to the mother. Blood pressure can vary according to activity level, emotional state and body position. If you are at rest and free of emotional stress, your blood pressure is more likely to be low, whereas if you are active and/or stressed your blood pressure is more likely to be elevated. Blood pressure readings can vary depending on the instrumentation used and the skill of the person taking the reading, so it's a good idea to request that the same person with the same equipment take your blood pressure reading each time you have it checked.

PIH can be prevented and/or reversed through a healthy diet. 80 to 100 milligrams of protein daily can reverse the symptoms of PIH. Good sources of protein include:

• Meat, poultry and fish
• Eggs
  
• Dried beans and peas
• Cheese (cottage cheese is especially high in protein)
  
• Milk
• Whole grains
• Peanut butter
• Nuts

For more information about a health pregnancy diet, please see my post about Staying Healthy and Low-Risk

Mild PIH consists of the following symptoms:

• Blood pressure over 140/90
  
• Edema (fluid retention and swelling)
• Protein in the urine

Mild PIH is generally treated with bed rest (the best position to rest is on your side), regular blood pressure checks, and close medical supervision to watch for signs of a more serious problem.

Severe PIH is characterized by any or all of the following symptoms:

• Blood pressure over 160/110
• Headaches
• Blurred vision
• Spots before the eyes
• Pain in the upper abdomen
• Decreased urine output
• Increased knee and ankle reflexes
• Changes in blood chemistry that indicate problems with the liver, kidney and blood platelet levels
• In the most severe cases, seizures or coma or death of the mother and baby can occur, which is why PIH is treated very aggressively

Severe PIH may be treated with hospitalization and medication such as magnesium sulfate to decrease the risk of seizures.

If signs of severe PIH persist after treatment, an induction of labor or cesarean section may be planned. Blood pressure generally normalizes within days or weeks after birth, and with early diagnosis and treatment, complications from PIH are usually minimal and a healthy outcome is achieved.

The causes of PIH are unknown, but it has been found to be more common in first time mothers, those pregnant with twins, teenagers, women over the age of 35, obese women, those with poor diets, and women in high stressful living conditions. Expectant mothers with a personal or family history of chronic hypertension, kidney or liver disease, diabetes mellitus, or a past pregnancy with PIH are also more likely to develop PIH.

Information paraphrased from Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Simkin, Whalley & Keppler.