Friday, June 22, 2012

Poor Families Reusing Disposable Diapers

I can't help but wonder why we can't provide poor families with reusable cloth diapers. It would save money over time, help the families be more self-reliant, and save hundreds of thousands of diapers from going into landfills.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Madeline's Birth at Home

August 30 is a day that I will always remember. How could I forget when I now have two children whose birthday falls on that day? August 30, 2011 ended the most chaotic week that I have ever lived in my life. I think for anyone on the East Coast of America they would agree with me. Just the Tuesday before I experienced my first earthquake. I've lived in Delaware my entire life I would of NEVER guessed I would ever feel an earthquake here. That weekend a visitor named Irene came to visit. All I could think about was keeping my family safe and hoping I wouldn't go into labor during the storm. There were tornadoes and floods that night but my precious baby listened and stayed safe inside the womb. Did I mention that two of my older children were sick all week? Not fun! Clean up came on Monday. I felt much better and relaxed from all the stress of preparing for the hurricane. I took a shower late that night. While I was in the shower I told the baby that I felt safe for her to be born and if she was ready I was ready. I went to bed that night wondering if I would wake up in labor or not. I had been wondering that every night for weeks though. Every night around eight I would start out with contractions and go to bed with them. By morning they would be gone.

If you've ever been nine months pregnant you know how your nights are. Either you can't sleep comfortably or your up anyway going to the bathroom every five minutes ( not really but it feels like it.) So at 12:45 I was back up going to the bathroom. I always check for bloody show or a mucus plug. No such luck. I stood up almost disappointed when my water broke. I was still having random contractions. My previous labors were similar except I never had contractions. This time would be different. I yelled for my husband downstairs. He was still up playing Xbox. He came up and helped me clean up and get me back into bed.  I called my midwife and let her know what happened. She told me to call her when I was ready. I stayed up talking to a few people on Facebook and texting my friend. I was too excited to get much sleep but eventually I did. Our oldest daughter heard the excitement and slept in my room that night in case I needed her. It was now my oldest son's birthday. I woke him up and told him the new baby would be born on his birthday or the day after. He was SO happy. He wanted the baby to share his birthday. My contractions were pretty strong and coming somewhere around ten minutes apart. I hated timing them. It annoyed me because I could barely tell when it would start and end. I didn't really understand when to look at the clock or to push the timer button on a contraction app I downloaded on my phone. So I just guessed.

I called my best friend who wanted to be there for the birth and told her today would be the day. She knew I had been having contractions for weeks and was excited when I finally told her it was real. She came over and almost instantly my contractions stopped. I became disappointed. All the kids had gone back to sleep so I told my husband that I was going for a walk. I had a couple contractions on the walk but I knew I wasn't 'in labor' any more. When my husband woke up he told me he wasn't happy that my friend was here. They really don't get along. I wanted and needed him to be as happy with this birth as I would be. I knew this from the beginning. I suspect that this is why my labor stopped. My body wanted to be happy and stress free for the birth.

My midwife came over after lunch to check on me. She checked my blood pressure. It was fine. I gave her a sample of my urine. That was fine. She gave me a strip of something to put on my pad to prove rupture. That was pretty obvious. She went over her protocol to keep me infection free since my waters had broke. She never once checked my cervix. I was glad. She never even asked. Having my cervix checked annoys me, to say the least. Plus with a rupture it can introduce infection which is NOT what I wanted to do. I felt very comfortable with her. There was a sense that I had with her from the beginning. She had been the midwife to a family that I love, look up to and miss SO much. To this day she is still close to them. I knew if they loved her and trusted her I should and would too.

When the midwife left I suggested to my friend that she go ahead and go home. Her kids would be getting off of school soon and I wasn't in labor any more. She agreed and told me to call her if they started back up. As soon as she left my contractions started right back up. Soon I was in labor. It was funny though because by this point I was in complete denial. I posted on FB asking if any one had a birth ball. A good friend of mine messaged me and said she would bring one over ASAP. The only way I could work through a contraction was to kind of squat and walk through them. Another good friend of mine asked if we needed anything to eat. She came over with pizza for the kids and subs for Tim and I. Since it was Timtim's birthday I asked her to bring over his favorite pineapple pizza and he LOVED it. With two different friends here my contractions didn't stop. I felt like I didn't have to explain anything to them and my husband almost didn't care that they were here either. We were all relaxed and my body was doing what it needed to do.

After I ate I started to become afraid. I had never had an unmedicated birth before.  These contractions were coming strong. The only kind of birth I had ever had was with pitocin. A pitocin labor is hard. The contractions come steady one over top of the other. The contractions are strong and nonstop. With a pitocin labor I always had stadol. A drug that puts you to sleep through contractions. I had always just woken up when it was time to push. Now it suddenly hit me that I would have contractions one on top of the other and they would be stronger than what I was having and I would have no relief. I texted my midwife and told her I was scared. Being the person she is, honest and straight forward, she asked what I was afraid of and what I wanted to do. I told her I wanted a homebirth more than anything. She said ok cause she doesn't have stadol and to not be afraid. I could do it. She knew I was having contractions and told me to count how many I was having in the next half hour and call her back. Haha! I'm glad she knew what was going on because I was still in denial.

After thirty minutes I had concluded that I had three or four strong contractions. I told her I felt something else but that it was just fake contractions between my strong ones. I had just walked upstairs and she asked me what was going on now, wasn't I having a contraction. I was out of breath and yes I was cramping but it wasn't strong so I just blamed it on walking upstairs and being out of breath. She told me to call her when I was ready. I agreed. I wasn't sure what I was going to do next. I remember laying down. I wanted to take a nap. My four year old was staying pretty close by me. I remember him hiding under my papasan chair next to my bed watching me. I had prepared all of my children for the birth. They watched plenty of you tube videos and they had all watched Ricki Lakes documentary The Business of Being Born on Netflix with me. I told them they could do what they wanted during the birth. They could be in the room or they could play or whatever they felt most comfortable with. My oldest daughter, Makayla, who is just 9, wanted to be in the tube with me while I gave birth. She was super excited and checked on me and brought me water and ice all the time. She was my little doula. She even told everyone that she wanted to be a midwife when she grows up.

Around 8 I remember telling one of my friends, Iris, that I was going to get in the shower. I wanted to see if it would help me any. Besides I didn't want to smell horribly while giving birth. The shower helped SO MUCH. When I got out I bounced off a few ideas to Iris. I wanted to get in the tub. I wanted to relax. The contractions hurt. She knew I was in full labor. But I was convinced I wasn't and even told her that I was going to get into the tub even if it relaxed me enough to take my contractions away. I started filling the tub. Makayla was so excited at this. She knew that she had to get a shower before she could jump in with me. I told her to wait a while for the tub to fill up and then she could get in. Since I had just taken a shower the hot water ran out before the tub filled up. Makayla had told Tim that I was filling up the tub. He responded with is the midwife on the way? I didn't know if by getting in the tub my contractions would stop so I didn't want to call her yet. He stayed downstairs and played with the four boys. I assume that he put them to sleep. I don't really know what was going on downstairs. I do know that Jezaniah, my four year old, stayed up and kept an eye on things from my bedroom. Makayla of course was waiting to jump in the tub.

Once the tub was full I jumped in. It felt SO good. I could still feel the contractions but they didn't hurt like they did when I wasn't in the tub. My friend Trish played with Makayla for a while. I remember hearing them and I knew Makayla was coming back and fourth from her room to check on me. Iris stayed in the bathroom with me. I don't remember what we talked about. Probably me being in denial. I know I fell asleep. When I woke up I yelled for Makayla to grab me a bowl. I had to throw up. She got me a little cereal bowl and I ended up filling that up and a huge Royal Farms cup. After that I felt much better. I wasn't in denial any more though. I knew it was time. I told Makayla to call the midwife. She knew how to do it. I could hear the midwife on the phone. Makayla told her that I said it was time. The midwife, said she would be right on her way. Makayla told Tim that midwife was on her way. He came up to check on me. He told all of his friends that the baby was the way. I lost track of time. I know I asked what time it was pretty often. I wanted to know how much longer till I would have the baby and if the baby would be born that day or after midnight.

Makayla stayed in my room from that point on. My friends Iris and Trish stayed in the room too. I could hear them all talking and playing a card game. When I looked up I could see them. I took comfort in the fact that they were there but left me alone. Things where getting pretty intense. Makayla would come hold my hand and rub my head. I wonder if she knows how much that meant to me. I still tear up thinking about how much she cared for me. She was so brave to not be afraid of Mommy's pain but to help her through it. Jezaniah would not come into the bathroom. When I started vocalizing through contractions I think it became too much for him and he would cover his ears. My midwife would come over and talk to me a little bit. She would check the baby's heart. I didn't have to have one of those things wrapped on my belly the entire time. I was comfortable. Yes I was in pain but I was as relaxed as I could be knowing that the people there loved and supported me. The midwife reminded me to listen to my body and to push when I could no longer stand not pushing. When a contraction would come I could no longer sit down. I would hold onto the sides of the tub. There was a towel there and I would bite it. I know at one point I thought I had 'quietly' cursed. I heard the midwife say "I know that word". I couldn't really laugh but I did laugh. Apparently everyone in my room had heard me too.

I told Makayla to go and get Tim. He is pretty uncomfortable seeing all the pain of labor. He had stayed downstairs until I was ready to push. Makayla got into the tub at this point too. The way I was pushing through contractions she ended up sitting on the side closest to the wall. I was getting loud and at this point it might of scared her a little. Then suddenly everything stopped. I was so surprised. I was having a break. My body was preparing me to really really push. I had heard of this break from other moms. I never expected it myself. I laughed and was reminded how great it was to have an all natural birth. I knew my baby would be in my arms soon.

This time I was pushing and pushing hard. I wanted my baby to be here. Makayla could see the baby's hair and said it was a lot of hair. I liked watching her facial expressions as the baby was born. As I felt the 'ring of fire' I tried to say ring of fire but no one could understand me. Her head came out and I was waiting for her body to just slide out. I gave another strong push and the midwife told me to catch her. I tried. She was so buttery I needed help to grab her. The first thing I said was 'my baby' and then 'my baby is perfect.' We had kept the gender a surprise and through all of this I had forgot to look. My midwife picked up one leg and told Makayla it was a girl. There were cheers coming from in my room. Makayla was crying. I asked what was wrong. I had some fears of how she would feel if there were another girl in the house. She told me through her tears "I'm so happy I have a sister!" I think we were all choked up. I will never forget that moment.

I got out of the tub to get into my bed. Later on Makayla told me that even though I had no clothes on, as I was walking on the towels completely nagged holding the baby she thought that I looked like Miss America or that I had just won first prize at something. I cant imagine a better way to think of someone who had just given birth at that moment. She has such a positive outlook on birth and being a woman now. I am so proud of her and so glad she was there. I birthed the placenta on my bed. Tim hates placentas. I love them. Tim continued to take pictures of the process but he would cover up what he could see of the placenta with his hand. I had to laugh at him. Jezaniah came and checked out his sister. Through out my pregnancy he would hug my belly and say I love that baby several times a day. He gave the baby a kiss and said I love you Baby. I imagine that he is going to be a very protective older brother. Shame on any one that mess with my baby girl. She has four older brothers looking after her. Makayla cut the cord after it had stopped pulsing. She had done the same with my youngest boy. Daddy doesn't like cords and placentas so it seems like that is Makaylas job. She likes to do it. Not many nine years old have cut two baby's cords and been to a home water birth.

My baby girl weighed exactly 8 pounds. I had been worried that she would be under 7 as I am a vegetarian. I had told myself I wanted an 8 pounder. My older babies were all in the 7 pound range. I was so happy to reach 8! She was 20 1/4 inches long. Her head was 13 1/4 cm. To me she was just perfect. Tim and I talked about her name one last time. After all the craziness of the week I teased him and said we should name her Sunshine. He was thinking about it and I told him we could call her Shiny for short. We laughed about that for awhile. Later on we agreed to stick with the name we had talked about the entire pregnancy. Madeline Louise. The name Madeline means woman of Magdalene. Louise is my Grandmother's name who I was very close to. I helped take care of her before she passed. She once made me promise that I would have six boys before I would have a girl. So I made a deal with her in my head that if I named the baby Louise could I have a girl. I guess she agreed.

I nursed and went to the bathroom. I even took a shower. I ate pizza. I shared with my family and friends how much I loved them and glad they could be there. We woke up Timtim to tell him he had a baby sister to share a birthday with. I knew he wouldn't remember in the morning. He looked like he was sleep walking. I called my friend who had been there that morning. She was upset that she missed the birth. I think she forgave me once she got to hold her. I am really stingy when it comes to holding my newborns so she knew she was special by holding her. Soon everyone left. It was three a.m. when I remember Makayla saying she was too tired to stay up any more and was going to bed. I held her and told her how much I loved her and was so glad she was there for me. Tim and I fell asleep cuddling our new baby in our own bed. It was all very surreal. The time flew by way too fast.
I love that I gave birth at home. I love that I gave birth in water. The water is very special to me. I am trying to soak up every second of my baby girls life. I am so in love with my family. I want to say Thank you Tim for realizing how much a home birth means to me. Thank you for supporting me and loving me. Thank you Makayla for being there, RIGHT there for me. You might not know how great of a service you did for me that night. Our bond is so strong now. I love you. Thank you Iris for the ball, even though I never ended up using it. Thank you for taking pictures. Thank you Trish for dinner that night. Thank you for the bag of ice from Sonic. Thank you to my midwife for believing in me for knowing I could do it when I was scared and reminding me of it through out my birth. I couldn't be more happy with how everything turned out.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Pre-eclampsia, a Long Induction, and a C-section. Welcome to the world, Baby Lucie!

Welcome to the world, Lucie Elizabeth! *possible TMI... Lucie's Birth Story
On Tuesday, January 17th, I started having contractions at 2:30 pm, as I worked my on-call position subbing at the day care. I just ignored them for the most part,until 3:30, when they began to hurt, so I mentioned it to the head teacher in the room, who alerted one of the directors, who found someone to cover for me. At this point, I still thought i'd be safe to drive, but after thinking about it a few minutes, I decided to text my dad and brother who worked reasonably close to the day care to see if either of them could pick me up from work and give me a ride home. I figured that Jon and I could pick my car up the next day after my non-stress test at the hospital, if I felt any better. 

The next day, the contractions continued, but they were still not 5 minutes apart or less. We went to my non-stress test appointment, the contractions weren't really noticeable, but I still wasn't feeling well, so I didn't pick up my car. I would end up having my dad and Jonathan go to pick it up together later that night.

In the meantime, on Wednesday, Jonathan got an email about a job interview in Farmingdale. I was super excited for him, but I wasn't feeling well, so i asked him to take the Thursday interview, but at 2 pm, so if I was sick while he was at the interview, my mom would be getting out of work soon, and could have driven me to ths hospital, if need be. 

Thursday came, Jonathan and I went to Panera Bread for lunch, to celebrate the fact he was going on an interview. I was very excited for him, but I wasn't so excited that I could ignore the cramping and the headache that would not go away. The headache had been around since Wednesday afternoon. Jon asked if I thought the contractions were far enough apart that I could hold out until after his interview, and I agreed that they were. According to the Lamaze instructor, I had at least 5 hours of contractions to go from that point. 

Jon went to his interview. While he was gone, I updated my written birth plan and medical history sheet. I had gotten sick of repeating my surgical history every single time I entered L&D triage, so I thought presenting the nurses there with a printed copy of that, and every other thing I've ever had would make things easier. I also had a medication list.

The birth plan was updated to reflect things I learned from Lamaze Class, mostly. I was open to systemic pain relief, or a spinal, if absolutely necessary, but no epidural. The epidural would have had to be inserted right near my herniated disks, which would cause the risk of me not getting any pain relief at all. I outlined that I wanted Jonathan with me at all times during the birth, and I wanted to be able to wear my own clothes once admitted (with the exception of during surgeries, should any be required, per hospital policy).

I printed 3 copies of the birth plan. I gave 2 to Jonathan, and I kept one to give to the nurses upon admission to L&D triage area. When I arrived, the contractions werent regular... they were anywhere from 6-10 minutes apart. I was dilated "a pinky fingertip" which was "half a cm, maybe?" according to the resident. I was hooked up to the non-stress test. I mentioned I had a headache. I was given tylenol. The headache didn't budge. In the meantime, the doctors noticed my elephant feet. They decided to test again for pre-eclampsia. The blood tests came back fine, but my urine had "trace amounts" of protein in it. 

Dr. Hsu, the chairman of the OB/GYN department at NUMC came in then, to tell me about his decision to admit me to the L&D area. He counselled me on pre-term babies, but then added, "As of midnight tonight, you're 37 weeks, which is considered term. New York State wants all doctors to counsel women to try to keep their babies in until 39 weeks, but if you have the pre-eclampsia, the only thing that will make it better is to deliver your baby."

At this point, I thought that I would end up having a c-section the very next morning, but since Nassau University Medical Center prides itself on its low c-section rate, I was going to be allowed to attempt to deliver naturally, albeit with some medicinal coaxing. This made me very happy, since this was the reason I chose to birth at Nassau University Medical Center. I knew that if they recommended a c-section, it was the best decision for myself and my baby, and that there were no other agendas besides good health for all.

First, they had to relieve my headache, though. Tylenol did nothing for me. Percoset allowed me to sleep, because it made the pain in my lower back from the contractions go away, but the headache remained. At about 4 or 5 am Friday, I was given Staidol. What a trip! I felt like I was on every ride at the amusement park at once. The room was spinning, and I was hallucinating. I screamed, I was confused, I thought it was drugs, but I wasn't sure. I also thought that someone tried to trick me by giving me this medicine, so they could take my baby away. It was horrific, but my headache disappeared. I decided that I would rather deal with a headache next time rather than take Staidol again, but it was important for the doctors to know how bad my headache was. Finding out what lengths it took to relieve the pain gave them an indication.

When I came to in the L&D room I'd been admitted to, there were several nurses, the resident, and the chairman of OB/GYN standing there. They again counselled me on birth before 39 weeks, and the risks associated with it. They also told me that pre-eclampsia can turn into eclampsia, which is a seizure disorder. The only way to avoid this is to have the baby, so they wanted to induce.

I was both grateful and horrified. I wanted to be able to have the baby naturally, well, as natural as possible. I didn't want to have a surgery. That was my plan. However, I was in the worst pain I'd ever felt. The doctors told me that it could take 3 days to induce. First, they would have to use a pill insert called "Cytotec," which is a synthetic version of Prostaglandin. The pill would be inserted manually, by a doctor, right onto my cervix. Then, once the cervix was soft enough, I could be given the pitocin. 

I would also have to be on IV magnesium sulfate until 24 hours after delivery.

I was put on a schedule, I could eat every four hours. 2 hours before and 2 hours after I would eat, I would have the Cytotec inserted, and be checked for progression. By Friday evening, I was having contractions, so after dinner, I wasn't given any cytotec, nor was I given Pitocin, athough I know I heard talk of Pitocin. I was still only 1-2 cm. I had a panic attack, screaming that I wanted a C-Section. I was in so much pain from a catheter that was adult sized in my tiny baby sized bladder, and I couldn't get comfortable, and every time I had a contraction, the tube pinched. The nurses were kind enough to replace the catheter with a child sized one, which was much more comfortable. I told Jonathan, "I'm sick, because of the baby being inside me. The quicker she gets out, the quicker I get better." Jonathan told me I was a wuss, and that if he were a woman, he could go through labor 10 times better than me. I had to laugh, because when he had only 2 of his wisdom teeth pulled, he was a mushy baby. But then, even the laughing hurt me.

Saturday morning, I was told that I was still only 1-2 cm. A third dose of cytotec was administered. Jon started talking about the fact he wanted to go down to the coffee shop for some cereal. I'd thrown up water at around 6 am, so they didn't deliver a food tray, which I could have shared with Jonathan. Then, the nurse came in, and started moving the fetal monitor around. They could find her heartbeat, but little wiggle worm kept moving, and when I had a contraction, her heart rate would drop. Jonathan waited about 30 minutes, but doctors still hadn't come in to say anything, so he went down for breakfast, after I yelled at him that if he missed the birth of his daughter, I'd never forgive him. 

While Jonathan was at breakfast, the anesthesiologist came in to introduce himself, and basically ask why I didn't want any epidurals. I told him I had herniated discs at L4-L5, but if a C-Section was necessary, I was open to spinal block or general anesthesia. 

The anesthesiologist on duty the day prior had also come in to introduce himself, so I didn't think much of this.

Then, another 1/2 hour later, the pediatrician comes in and starts asking about my request to feed the baby Similac, and asks if the formula I brought was ready-to-feed or powder... since I was going to have a C-Section, and the baby would be delivered soon. I said, "Oh, wow, they hadn't told me it was definite about the section yet." 

So then, Jonathan gets back from breakfast, and two doctors and two nurses come in to my labor, delivery, recovery room. One of them says, "Well, the tracing shows the baby is minimal reactive, as I'm sure you're aware, and at this point, you are only dilated to not even 2 cm. To continue this lengthy induction..." I cut the doctor off at this point, and said, "Get her out healthy, I want the c-section." Jonathan was okay with the C-section at that point, because he recognized it was the last resort.

I called my mom and Jonathan's mom and we told them to come to the hospital. Previously, I hadn't wanted people to come to the hospital, since I didn't want people waiting around for hours, but since we knew that they would be doing the c-section within the hour, I didn't think they'd have to wait too long. 

Jonathan put on the scrubs I'd bought him for Chr*stmas. The shirt had "I'm the Dad" embroidered over the pocket. He held my glasses in his pocket, since I couldn't wear them during the surgery. I was wheeled into the operating room, and made to sit on a table, where the spinal would be administered. Jonathan was outside waiting at this point. My parents caught a glimpse of him as he put a mask on before heading into the OR. He wasn't allowed to come in until I was numb and the drape was up. 

The spinal was very odd. I had to drink an anti-nausea medication. Then, I received a series of shots in my spine which numbed from my ribcage down to my toes. My diaphragm was partially numb, but I could still breathe. Then, they laid me down, and I got really nauseaus. I turned my head sideways, but the anesthesiologist told me to turn the other way (so I didn't puke on his equipment). He got me a basin to puke in and cleaned me up. Ironically, I had thrown up the anti-nausea medicine. Then, Jonathan was allowed to enter. I was a bit groggy, but then I got nauseaus again. He held the basin in front of me, and cleaned up the puke from my face. I don't know why, but that made me love him more, and know that he would be a great dad. 

There was a lot of pulling sensations and rocking sensations while the C-Section was being performed. I kept asking them to straighten my left leg, because it had been slightly bent when it was numbed. My leg was straight, but I still felt it was in the same position. I felt really cold, like I'd gone outside naked in the snow to make snow angels. The anesthesiologist put a plastic sheet over me, and had a shop vac looking contraption pump warm air over me. That was heavenly. 

At 11:43 am, they said, "It's a girl!" Lucie was brought over to the warmer immediately. Jonathan had been told to let the pediatricians do their thing for a few minutes before going to check on her. I asked what color her hair was, and the pediatrician said that it looked red, but they were still cleaning her up, and she was still covered in amniotic fluid and blood. The pediatrician's initial analysis of redhead was enough for me. I asked if we could make a phone call. I had tucked my iPhone in Jonathan's pocket prior to being whisked off to the O.R., and I just really wanted to call his grandma and tell her that it was a redhead! We knew how important it would be to her. So, we called her as the doctors began to put my organs back inside and sew me up. I realized then that I hadn't heard her cry yet, and I said, "Why isn't she crying?" That was the scariest realization... but then when she heard her momma ask for her cry, Lucie did just that. She didn't scream, she just whimpered a bit. Then, Jonathan went over and took a photo of Lucie while she was still on the warmer, and then came back to where I was, and showed me the photo on the LCD screen. Then, they let him hold her, and he brought her close to me, so that I could see her. I wanted to touch her pretty head, and her hands, but I had my arm strapped down still, and the doctors were still putting humpty dumpty back together again. 

Then, we called everyone who was in the waiting room on my cell phone to tell them she'd been born. I taught Jonathan how to use my phone to text the photo of Lucie to everyone who I knew could text, and whose cells were programmed in my phone (my arms were still strapped down at this point, so I couldn't do it myself). Then, the doctors told Jonathan they were finishing up on me and he'd have to leave so they could maneuver me around. 

They would have to bring Lucie to the NICU for a minimum of 15 minutes, because she was a little groggy since I'd been on the magnesium sulfate for the pre-eclampsia. I asked Jonathan to go find out where the baby was at that point. 

Jonathan must have found all the relatives in the lobby, and he was able to point out Baby Lucie in the nursery to them all. I was wheeled back into recovery, where they told me I'd have to stay for 24 hours, since I had to be on the magnesium sulfate. 

First, my mom came back, then Jonathan, and his mom, and Jonathan's brother, James, who had picked up Grandma Kathryn, so she could see the baby. 

After they all left, my sister and brother came up, and at that point, they brought the baby to the recovery area with me, and handed her right to me. I was in awe. She was so tiny. I had no idea how I could love anything so tiny with so much of a muchness! I wanted to hold her and kiss her and cuddle her forever. But, then, I saw Jonathan. He wanted to hold her. I could tell. He just didn't want to take her away from me, so he didn't ask. It was actually kind of sweet. I asked if he wanted to hold her, and he very quietly and very shyly said, "Yes." 

And, so, I reluctantly turned her over. Jonathan held her, and then Susi held her, and had to have a ton of photos taken, and then Mike asked me if I trusted him to hold her. I told him that he'd better not drop her. He was trying to be all macho, but he was a little misty eyed. I don't think he's ever seen, let alone held, a baby so tiny. 

Lucie Elizabeth weighed in at 5 lbs. 13.8 oz. at birth, and she is 18 1/2 inches long. My sister had accidentally bought a preemie outfit for the baby... but God has a way of these things working out. That outfit was in my diaper bag which was brought to the nursery. When the nurses handed the baby over to me, she was wearing that outfit, and wrapped in purple flannel blankets we'd received as a gift from my best friend, Tricia. 

When my mom heard that Susi and Mike got to hold the baby, of course, my dad and her had to come back up to hold Lucie themselves. 

Since I'm stuck in the recovery room until noon tomorrow, when I'll be assigned a room, and there is more than one person in here, Jonathan had to leave at the end of visiting hours. Since I am hooked up to an IV, Catheter, blood pressure cuff, etc., and am unable to get out of bed, I had to send Lucie to the nursery. If I can't retrieve the formula to feed her from the fridge, or get the water to warm her bottle, I can't effectively care for her. Plus, I'm still in a lot of pain, and with the pain medications, I can't take care of her on my own right now. It sucks to admit that, but it's the truth. Once I'm in my own room tomorrow, things should be better.

I really absolutely can't wait to shower! I also hope they'll remove my IV completely when they take me off the magnesium sulfate drip.

Originally posted here: