The Roller Coaster: Perspective

This is the seventh post in a special bi-weekly series.  It's a sequel to The Longest Weekend of My Life series.  Please check back next Wednesday for Part 8.

Part 7: Perspective

Sunday was much better than Saturday. Emotionally I was more balanced, and I wasn't having heavy bleeding or physical discomfort other than a headache, which was resolved with some essential oils. We went to church and I enjoyed the distraction as well as the spiritual environment. I found myself struggling to focus, but I accepted that and just tried to appreciate the present and let myself be in the moment. After church I took a nap and focused on spending the day with family.

I was encouraged by the positive feedback I received when various friends responded to my facebook status update and story. Some said they were hoping and praying for us, and some offered information about how bleeding during pregnancy could be completely safe. There were friends I hadn't personally heard from in a long time, and it was wonderful to hear from them in a time when I felt I needed as much support as I could get.

As I thought about things, I had a small revelation. I realized if I hadn't had any pelvic pain things would be very different. If I hadn't gone to Instacare I would have simply waited things out and would have thought I was just having a late period. I'd have had no idea I was pregnant and wouldn't have gone through all of this emotional turmoil. That thought could have made me wish things had played out differently, that maybe I could have just gone through this in ignorant bliss. However, it helped give me some perspective. I felt that everything had happened this way for a purpose, and that I was learning and growing because of it. It also helped me to see the normalcy of my situation and to have more patience in understanding that even though I didn't have all the answers in the moment, the answers would come, eventually.

Part 1: Looking Up

Part 2: Seeing Red

Part 3: Malaise

Part 4: Possibilities

Part 5: Break Down

Part 6: Support

Part 7: Perspective

Part 8: Normal?

Part 9: Hindsight

Part 10: Shift

Part 11: Empty

Power in Birth

For me choosing unmedicated birth is partially a matter of control. When I was in labor with my first child I felt completely out of control, helpless. The hospital staff were telling me what I should do, and since I didn't know I had other options, I fearfully complied. I gave in to the epidural because I felt I had no other choice, and I couldn't handle the pain in those circumstances. I felt I had somehow failed for giving in, but I couldn't see how I could have done any differently.

The more I learned and the more support I sought, the more I was able to claim my own power and take control of my birth experiences. I feel powerful when I give birth without medication. I would rather feel everything, from the most intense pain to the unbelievable ecstasy of birth, than to be numb to the whole experience. There's nothing that compares to it, and being able to master the kind of control you have in birth is a monumental accomplishment. It's a beautiful balance of control and submission, and once you experience that you are never the same person again.

Birth has also been very faith-promoting for me, as I put my faith in God, and He is the one I trust to guide me in the process of working with my body and my baby. It's not about pain.