I can't sleep, and I'm alone with my thoughts. This means I have time to think about all the stuff that briefly passes through my mind during the day when I don't have the time to consider it.
Foremost on my mind: TWINS
I seem to be carrying larger than usual with this pregnancy, enough that I myself have wondered if I might be carrying multiples. It's not logical. There's no family history of multiples that I'm aware of, and I haven't undergone fertility treatments or done anything else I'm aware of that could increase my chances of having twins. But the thought is there, and it keeps coming back.
I've scheduled an ultrasound in a few weeks. I really want to confirm or rule out this thought. I don't think I'd be surprised to find I'm further along than I thought (despite my dates) or that there is more than one baby in there, simply because of the size of my belly.
Is this crazy? Maybe. I never claimed to be sane, especially during pregnancy. In fact, I believe pregnancy gives me the right to be a crazy lady. I can't seem to control it anyway.
What if I'm carrying twins?
My birth plans wouldn't change. I'd still plan a home birth. In fact, my midwife has already promised me that she'd be hands off even if I had twins. Her words, not mine. She's a very intuitive woman. Does she have some kind of inkling she hasn't told me about yet? Hmmm. I may have to ask her at some point.
What would change? Mainly, we'd need a bigger vehicle and we'd have to move. It's in our lease agreement that we can't live here with more than 6 children, so we'd have to start looking for a new place to live. We just bought a van a few months ago that has 8 seats. Yeah, we'd have to sell that and start looking for something bigger. I might end up with one of those full size vans that seats 12 or 15. Think of the space!
Am I scared? Not particularly. I'm grateful for whatever we'll be given, even if that means two babies for the price of one. I have no clue how I'd handle the logistics of 7 children under the age of 12, the youngest 2 being twins. Yeah, things would definitely be interesting, even more so than they are now, in our house. But we can handle whatever we get, whether we think we can or not. I'm stronger and more capable than I give myself credit for.
So there it is. My pregnancy confession. Now, how sheepish would I feel if we have the ultrasound and find that there's only one baby in there? Oh well. At least we could keep our van and our home, and I already know I can handle one baby at a time.