The Longest Weekend of My Life: Numb

Due to reader request, the Saturday series is now a bi-weekly series, published each Wednesday and Saturday. This is the third post the series.  Please check back next Saturday for Part 4.

Part 3: Numb

Wait, back up. What?

I knew what ectopic pregnancy was, and I certainly had never imagined it would ever be something I would experience. I'd never had any reproductive issues in my life, and I'd always been very grateful for that. I'd even felt guilty for that in the past as I'd watched friends and family struggle with infertility problems and pregnancy complications. I don't pretend to understand God's will and purpose for each individual. I just know that each of us has our own struggles, and comparing them with the trials of another person usually only serves to evoke more questions and lead to feelings of discontent.

I felt numb. I didn't want or need to ask any questions, so I just listened to the doctor. She recommended having an ultrasound to check where the embryo had formed, whether it was in the uterus where it should be, or somewhere else like the fallopian tubes or ovaries. Since their office didn't have an ultrasound machine she had her nurse schedule an appointment at the hospital at 4:00 pm. I had enough time to go home and talk with my husband.

I came home to find that the baby had been crying most of the time I'd been gone, and I felt bad that my husband hadn't been able to get out of bed to help him. I was grateful to my oldest son for helping to comfort his little brother, even if it had been between playing levels on a computer game.

I didn't know what to say to my husband. I considered trying to be funny by saying something like “Well, we can have unprotected sex as often as we want to!”... I wasn't feeling very funny.

I walked into our bedroom, closed the door, sat on the bed, and told my husband what had happened and what I'd been told. Neither of us knew what to say, and we both let the feelings of shock and bewilderment settle in. How are you supposed to handle such news? You're pregnant, but you may lose it.

We both felt afraid to be excited about the pregnancy because of the possibility of what we might be going through if it did in fact turn out to be ectopic. My husband asked “If it turns out to be tubal, do we have to... terminate?” I said “I think so”, and we cried together. I only hoped that the ultrasound would show something conclusive so we wouldn't have to wait for confirmation one way or another. I continued to pray in my heart that all would work out, and that the medical professionals who were helping us would be guided to find the right answers for us.


Part 1: Preface
Part 2: Bittersweet
Part 4: Peace

Part 5: Waiting

Part 6: Writing and Reading

Part 7: Decisions

The Longest Weekend of My Life: Bittersweet

This is the second post in a special Saturday series.  Please check back next Saturday for Part 3.

Part 2: Bittersweet

It was Friday. My family had been sick. Three of the kids and my husband all had the stomach flu, and I was doing my best to take care of everyone. That night, shortly before going to bed, I developed sudden severe pain on the right side of my pelvis. I suspected I was constipated and joked with my husband that my body was doing the opposite of what everyone else in the house was going through. It was a different kind of pain than anything else I remembered feeling, and it worried me a bit that it was so severe.

I did what I could to try and ease the pain, but I struggled all night long to get any sleep as the pain didn't change. It only stayed, steady, strong and sharp. I worried alone in the middle of the night that I might have appendicitis, and in my mind tried to work out who to call for help and how to get myself to the hospital for the help I might need and also ensure that my family was well taken care of in the meantime. I prayed and asked for comfort. I asked Heavenly Father that if it was safe for me to wait until morning to please allow me to fall asleep. I think it was close to 4:30 am when I finally drifted off and managed to sleep fitfully for a few hours.

I woke in the morning and had an uncomfortable bowel movement. The pain in my pelvis was still there, but it seemed to be bothering me slightly less so I decided to wait and see if it would ease through the day. My apparent constipation turned to diarrhea as the day went on, but instead of easing, the pain intensified. Finally, around 2 o'clock in the afternoon I told my husband “It's not getting any better. I have to go to Instacare and at least get checked out.”

With my poor sick husband weak and in bed, I took my little girl with me and said a quick prayer that the boys would be alright while I was gone. Especially the baby. I also prayed that the doctor would be guided to ask the right questions and find the answers I needed.

I made full disclosure to the medical staff about what was going on. When the doctor met with me I explained the nature of the pain, and she first suspected kidney stones. She decided to do a urinalysis, and I asked her to include a pregnancy test with that just in case. She had mentioned the possibility of doing an x-ray to look for any bowel blockages, and she and I agreed that we should rule out the possibility of pregnancy before moving forward.

I took my little girl with me, gave the urine sample to the nurse and went back to my room to wait for the news.

The doctor returned, and the first thing she said was “Well, it's not kidney stones, but you're definitely pregnant.” All I could say was “Oh wow”, as I sat dumbfounded in my chair. In the next breath the doctor told me that because of the pain I was experiencing, there was a possibility it was a tubal pregnancy.


Part 1: Preface

Part 3: Numb

Part 4: Peace

Part 5: Waiting

Part 6: Writing and Reading

Part 7: Decisions