Rethinking my Approach to Menstruation

After my second miscarriage I was surprised when my menstrual cycle triggered some intense emotional reactions, causing me to relive some of the feelings from that difficult time.

However, there's something good that's come from that experience. I realized that using pads during menstruation was part of what triggered my emotional reaction and brought up those feelings, and I've decided to approach menstruation in a different way.

When I was young my mother showed me how to use disposable tampons. She didn't let me use pads because she'd had some really bad experiences with them when she was growing up. She told me about having to wear an elastic belt to hold her pad in place, and it was obvious she'd hated it. I was given the impression that tampons were the best thing ever invented for menstruating women. I remember reading the warnings on the box about toxic shock syndrome, but my mother had never taken the time to explain any of that to me and I casually brushed it off. I figured what was best for her was also best for me, and I went on to use tampons for many years.

The first time I ever used a pad was after giving birth for the first time. It was such an odd thing to let the blood flow onto something outside of my body, and it was definitely awkward trying to keep the pads in place. If the flow demanded a larger pad it felt as though I were wearing a diaper, and I started to understand how my mother must have felt as a teenager. Not knowing about any other options however, I used whatever I had access to at the time. I continued to use disposable tampons, and pads were reserved for postpartum recovery.

As I got involved in blogging and started reading other blogs, I began to learn about some strange menstrual practices of other women. I discovered that some women actually use reusable cloth pads and washed them between uses. While the idea was intriguing, especially the concept of saving money and minimizing waste, it wasn't enough to cause me to change my own practices.

I also learned about menstrual cups, and that was the strangest of them all! To insert a flexible cup into one's vagina to catch the menses seemed bizarre! I posted about menstrual cups on my blog, more with a sense of odd fascination than a serious consideration.

Then a family member got a DivaCup and raved about how wonderful it was! I thought it was a little weird, especially when she invested in a cup for each of her young daughters, to save for when they would need it. She even got two other family members to try menstrual cups, and they seemed to love them just as much. It started sounding more like an interesting idea to me, and less bizarre. However, the initial cost of the cup was an issue for me. In the short-term it was less expensive to buy a box of tampons or a package of pads than a menstrual cup. Plus I couldn't find a cup at any local store. I'd have to order it online, pay shipping, and wait for it to arrive. It seemed like a lot of effort for something I wasn't sure I wanted to do.

Then I had two miscarriages. I had to use a lot of pads and look at a lot of blood during that time. I watched for blood clots and tissue to make sure that my body was appropriately flushing out what was no longer viable. It was intense.

Then my period came, and it all came flooding back. Changing pads, checking for anything unusual that might indicate a problem, paranoia and fear. It was connected to the pads.

I didn't like tampons. I didn't like pads. Neither seemed appealing in any way to me.

I considered using cloth pads, but I didn't want to spend money on something I could make myself and at the same time I didn't really want to do the work of making them myself. Plus, how would cloth pads work any better for me than the disposable type? The only difference would be that I was washing and reusing them. All the same annoyances were still there, and there was emotional trauma linked to them either way.

I finally seriously considered a menstrual cup. I'd done some research about cups back when I'd originally blogged about them. I knew there were many brands to choose from, and which were the most popular. Some prices had changed since I'd researched them before, and some newer companies had popped up on the market, but the basic information was still the same.

I posted on the Mamas and Babies facebook page and asked for input from the wonderful women there. I got so much helpful information, especially the personal experiences and reviews from those who had used menstrual cups. There were very positive responses along with some helpful tips about where to get a good cup, which brands to trust, and most of all how to use them successfully.

In my search I also discovered the option of reusable sea sponge tampons. I almost ordered a set because the price was lower than any of the cups I'd found, but I waited to make sure I knew exactly what I wanted before purchasing. I found out that the sponge needs to be changed as often as a disposable tampon, and that like disposables they can leak. I'd heard that menstrual cups only need to be changed every 12 hours, and that if used properly they don't leak at all. The sponges were recommended for use for 6 months, while the cups were recommended for a year. I also read that a menstrual cup can potentially last up to 10 years. There was also a rumor that the sea sponges, while completely natural and replenish-able, were potentially toxic because of the polluted nature of our earth's oceans. In the long run I would save a lot of money by making a relatively small investment in a menstrual cup now.

As I did some more searching I found the best price for a menstrual cup was on a website that I order homeopathic medicine and other supplements from fairly regularly. By including a DivaCup with my next order I would save on shipping costs.

So I've placed my order! I'm getting a menstrual cup, and I can't wait to try it! I find it so ironic that I'm actually looking forward to that time of the month, particularly after it had recently triggered emotional trauma. I think the difference is that I'm taking charge of it rather than letting it control me. I'm identifying what I need to change, and making those changes. I feel this is part of my healing, and I'm really looking forward to a healthier me.

Planning and Meditating on Birth - Part 1

I was talking with my sister recently about birth choices, and I started wondering how much the decision of where to labor and give birth has an impact on the experience and the outcome. I told my sister that if I'd been in the hospital with my breech baby I probably still would have had the outcome of a healthy baby, but the experience would've been altogether different. The labor itself would have been different and I wouldn't have been so relaxed and comfortable. And then there's the issue of the surprise breech, which would have led to an emergency cesarean. Instead of recovering from a vaginal birth at home, I would have been recovering from abdominal surgery with 4 small children and a newborn. My fear of c-sections in general would have left me scarred emotionally, and I would've had a lot more to heal from than just the physical trauma from the surgery. I also would have ended up with a uterine scar that could impact future births.

I shared my home breech birth story with a group of my midwife's clients at her home. At the very same meeting another mother shared her hospital birth story, and it was a striking contrast to mine. She had a natural labor without interventions in the hospital and everything went smoothly. However, after the birth she noticed her baby was twitching. The doctors and nurses hadn't noticed it. It took the mother's eye and intuition to see that something was wrong. They determined that the baby had suffered a stroke sometime after the birth. Because they were in the hospital, the infant was able to immediately receive the medical care he needed. What was even more interesting to me was when she told us that she had considered planning a home birth, but whenever she thought about it she felt uneasy. She didn't know why she felt uneasy, but she followed her feelings and planned to have the baby in the hospital. She was exactly where she needed to be, and it was because she followed her feelings. I, on the other hand, had felt nothing but peace when I planned my home birth, and I was exactly where I needed to be.

I believe there are times when no matter which choice we make, we'll still have a positive outcome. Almost all babies would survive whether they were born at home or in the hospital, whether born vaginally or by c-section. Almost all mothers will survive birth regardless of where it takes place or under what circumstances. But the outcome is not the whole picture.

Rixa from Stand and Deliver has a great commentary post on her blog about the way people say that all that matters is a healthy mom and baby. "Health" in this sense usually means "alive".  

We all know that health is all-encompassing, and it doesn't simply imply survival alone. Health is physical, mental and emotional. When a woman has a traumatic birth experience under any circumstances, she is emotionally unhealthy. Trauma can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and while it's not commonly associated with postpartum women, if the mother suffered trauma during the birth she is more prone to this state of disease. Trauma is not associated with specific birth events, but rather the woman's interpretation of them and her feelings of either being in control and respected or being out of control and disrespected. By definition the CDC considers cesarean section a "morbidity", which would imply that any woman who's recently had a c-section is physically unhealthy. We can see that there are many different situations under which a mother and baby can survive birth but still be unhealthy afterward.  Heather Armstrong wrote a beautiful, yet heart-wrenching post on The Unnecesarean about her own experiences with emotional and physical trauma regarding birth.

The outcome matters. The experience matters. The emotional, mental and physical well-being of mother and baby matter. How can expectant parents plan for birth with all of these variables in mind? How can they make decisions about their baby's upcoming birth hoping for the best experience and the best outcomes?  


Click here for part 2...