Wednesday, February 2, 2011

My Personal Journey with Vaccinations

I grew up with traditional “western” medicine with doctors and chemicals. I remember getting headaches as a child and my parents simply gave me some Tylenol. We didn't go to the doctor unless there was something seriously wrong, but we didn't have any other treatment options at home. If we were sick we suffered through it or took over the counter medicine and waited it out. We were fully vaccinated on schedule and never had any problems. It was what we and everyone else I knew did.

My husband's family is different, and they really opened my eyes to other forms of treatment and healing. They also choose to vaccinate, but because of their influence I've learned about homeopathic medicine, kinesiology, herbal healing, essential oils, and other things along the way. I've come to embrace these forms of natural healing and I've seen them work in my life. I've also learned about the risks of relying completely on medicine, and I've quietly questioned the safety of vaccinations.

My first four children were fully vaccinated on schedule, according to the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Centers for Disease Control. I never questioned my doctor's suggestions, and I didn't feel a need to challenge them. My kids are all healthy and never had any obvious bad reactions to their shots. I felt the possibility of adverse reactions was obscure, and I didn't personally know anyone who had suffered any injuries from vaccinations.

As I had more children and moved along in my birth journey from medicated in the hospital, to natural birth in the hospital, and then to home birth, I came into contact with some really amazing people. It seems like there are a lot of things that go along with the natural birth movement, and one of those things includes questioning the safety and effectiveness of vaccinations. I started meeting people, for the first time in my life, who had gone against the norm and decided not to vaccinate their children. One of my family members even made the choice to stop vaccinating their children, and it shook the foundations of my upbringing and planted a seed in me.

At first I was hesitant to even learn about it. I didn't want to find out that I'd been making choices that were potentially wrong. I think I knew deep down that if I were to research vaccinations I would find out they weren't the panacea the media and medical community make them out to be. I knew I would find issues and risks, and I wasn't ready to go there. I wanted to stay in ignorance because I didn't want to admit that I might have chosen something that wasn't best. It wasn't something I could go back and change either. I had done it, and there was no undoing.

One my sons suffered from severe recurring bouts of croup. I spent more than one sleepless night in the emergency room seeking treatments to open his airway. In seeking for answers and treatment options other than the routine steroid prescription, we had a biofeedback assessment done on him which found his croup weakness to be linked somehow to the pertussis vaccine he'd received as a toddler. We were able to get some homeopathic drops specifically designed for pertussis, and they helped ease and sometimes prevent his symptoms. I learned how to treat it at home with other things like essential oils, and have since avoided further trips to the hospital. 


My oldest caught Chicken Pox (varicella) when he was 6 years old, despite having been vaccinated for it. Even then I couldn't make myself take a deeper look at vaccinations. I didn't want to face it.

After my youngest child was born at home I went out of my way to schedule an appointment with the pediatrician to get his vaccinations on schedule. I think it was one of the things that helped my pediatrician support me a little bit after a home birth, because I was still being the “responsible parent” and getting my child's shots on time. That continued for about 6 months.

When my baby was almost a year old I started getting reminders in the mail from our insurance company that it was time for a well-child checkup and vaccinations. I had every intention of scheduling the appointment and getting it done, but for some reason every time I thought about it it slipped my mind. For some reason I could not remember to make the call and schedule it. I realized this was out of character for me, and I wondered if there was a reason I kept forgetting.

I had done some research about vaccinations a few years earlier when a family member had given me some information about them and asked me to look into it. I decided it was a good idea to do more research, so I did. I found that everything I needed to know about them I had already heard or learned from my earlier research and through friends who had talked with me about the issue. I realized I didn't need to do any more research on the subject, because I was already familiar enough with it. I felt the next step was to seek spiritual guidance through prayer.

I prayed and asked for some guidance, but I felt nothing. I was confused and upset. I felt that I was being led to delay my child's shots, but I wanted to know why and I wasn't being given that understanding. The periodic reminders kept coming in the mail, and the pediatrician's office even called and asked if I wanted to schedule an appointment. By that time I'd realized I needed to take my feelings seriously and I declined their offer because I felt it was best to wait and figure out the next step before I took any action. The more I thought about it, the more the idea of taking him in for vaccinations felt outright wrong.

I couldn't explain it, and I felt embarrassed that I was changing my mind about something potentially serious based on a hunch. I didn't want to face my pediatrician or my family, who I knew wouldn't understand my choice. I couldn't even give them a solid reason why I was making the choice, and I didn't fully understand myself what that choice was. Was I delaying vaccinations for a while, or was I stopping them from here on out?

A few months passed and I continued to pray and wrestle with the issue in my mind, until one day I had an enlightenment.

It wasn't a light from heaven or big booming voice answering all of my unanswered questions. I was reading an article about a particular vaccine. It was an interesting article, but it wasn't the subject matter that really caught my attention. As I was reading, words came to my mind and told me something. It wasn't about the shots themselves. What was important was that I was following my feelings.

In that moment I felt peace. It was peace I had been seeking for a long time, and suddenly the issue of vaccinations was no longer an issue to me. I knew that as long as I followed my feelings, as guided by God, everything would work out.

I still didn't have all the answers, and I still don't to this day. I don't know if we're delaying or stopping vaccinating our children, but I'm leaning heavily toward stopping. All I know is that as long as I continue to follow my intuition I don't need to worry.

That doesn't mean I never worry. When my toddler caught a cold and developed a bad cough, one of the first thoughts to cross my mind was that he hadn't been vaccinated against pertussis! A moment of panic hit me, and I let it leave as quickly as it had come. I allowed myself to trust my intuition and treat my child at home, and he was fine.

Each time he's gotten sick I've wondered if I would have to take him to a doctor, and then what would happen? Would they hound me about the fact that he wasn't fully vaccinated? Would they run pointless tests and jeopardize his treatment out of fear that he might have something that he could have been vaccinated against? Would they accuse me of being a negligent parent? And what argument could I give? “I have a strong feeling...”

These thoughts have crossed my mind, and I have to remind myself that I'm doing what I feel, and now know in my heart, is best.

The choice to delay or stop vaccinating has impacted other things as well. I realized that there was no point in taking my children to routine well-child checkups if they weren't going to be injected with vaccines. All that was really done at these appointments was checking their height and weight, discussing age-appropriate development and any issues that might come up, and giving shots. I've never had any issues that I needed to discuss with the doctor, and after having five children and raising kids for over 10 years I'm much more confident in my parenting abilities. I'm not concerned about consulting a doctor about my child's development, and if a concern comes up I can always just schedule an appointment for that purpose. So well-child checks are out. I never liked them much anyway.

I also realized I need to find a new doctor. I always liked our pediatrician and never had any complaints, but I've realized that he's extremely pro-vaccinations. When I declined to have my 5 year-old injected with the flu shot, the doctor proclaimed that “there are no draw-backs, only benefits”. That simple statement made me realize that my doctor wouldn't understand my point of view or my reasons for making the choices I have. So, I'm looking for a new doctor that will be more supportive of me making the decisions about the care and well-being of my children.


The United States has a culture that encourages people to blindly trust doctors and medicine, and anyone who chooses not to do so might be labeled "irresponsible", "negligent", etc. I don't believe medicine is bad. It has a place and is needed in certain situations. I just don't think it should be blindly trusted. My position on vaccines is an interesting one. I understand the risks involved and I stand firm in the choices I make for myself and my family, but I also support each person's right to make their own decision. I hope that no one makes anyone feel inferior or stupid for making the choice they feel is best for them, no matter how much it may buck the system.

One thing that I'm gaining through all of this is confidence as a parent. Yes, I have my moments of serious doubt, but I find if I pray and turn those doubts to the Lord I'm able to navigate my options more easily and with peace and confidence.

21 comments:

  1. I share a similar situation. My oldest 2 are fully vaccinated with no visible negative effects but I can't do it this time around. I question everything because "modern medicine" has abused me. My pediatrician is also pro-vax, anti-home birth but I really don't have anyone that would be any different around here...

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  2. Your journeys, experiences, and conclusions so closely mirror my own, but you are able to articulate it all so much better than I could. Great post.

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  3. Anonymous, I've decided if I can't find a supportive doctor it will be alright. I'll just take my kids in when it's necessary, and skip all the routine stuff. It would still be really nice to find a supportive one though.

    Bonnie, only in the written word. I'm not so articulate in person because it takes me a little while to formulate my thoughts ;) I'm so glad I can express my experiences and connect with other women like you. It really helps me feel a lot less alone in my choices, and reinforces my feelings. Thank you for being a regular reader and commenter :)

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  4. Thank you so much for sharing this. We have followed a very similar path. <3

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  5. Thank you so much for writing this. I am struggling now to decide if and when my youngest daughter will get her vaccinations. She does have some, but hasn't had any since her 4 month set and she is now almost 8 months. I feel strongly that they are wrong and do more harm than good, however I am terrified of either one of my girls getting an illness that could have been prevented.

    I think I am going to print this out b/c you really took the words out of my mouth!

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  6. I really enjoyed this post.

    I haven't started "my" family yet but I have definitely been bitten by the all natural home / unassisted birth bug! It is so interesting what you say about all these other issues that you question or view in a new light once you truly understand natural childbirth. For me, I think it has 'woken me up' in a way about the importance of truly being conscious about the choices I makes and also in taking responsibility for the outcome.

    I didn't have to do much research at all until I *knew* that I will never have another vaccination in my life time and neither will any of my future children. Regardless of the differing facts and figures I have a philosophical objection to them that I can not shake - I guess you can call this my hunch or intuition.

    I am still continuing my research as I do find it as a topic fascinating (am I the only one who was not taught about this in school??) and admittedly do almost dread the day when I have to make my choices "public" and the judgments that will inevitably follow but my confidence in my decisions really helps me to see everything in perspective as I know my ALL my options and am happy with my choice and in the end that is all that really matters.

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  7. I had my first three kids vaxed only for Dtap after they turned 2. I have since done more research and my daughter and youngest son are vax free. I have not had a problem with my dr other than making sure I see all the scary pics of what "could" happen. My mom also quit vaxing her kids after having a few of us completely vaxed, and when the dr gave her a hard time, she just said "I've done the research, and we find that the risks of vaxing outweigh the benefits for our children" She has not gotten to hard a time when she answers that way.
    2 of my older sons have had some negative reactions to the vaccines. My oldest has severe allergies- which he never had before he was vaxed, and my third son had chronic ear infections- couldn't be off antibiotics for more than 2 days- and now has ear tubes and speech issues. I completely blame myself for that, as I should have done the research first, but I'm trying to let it go and am looking into detox for the boys- will be talking to my chiropractor about that soon.

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  8. Good for you, going with your feelings on that. That's kinda where I'm at on immunizations too. I am frightened not to do them & frightened TO do them. But I feel peace in at least delaying them until the younger boys are older. Totally understand your struggle there! New follower here! Check out my blog if you have a minute! God bless!

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  9. Thanks so much for sharing. I vaxxed my older 2 to schedule but had this bad feeling at my 2nd child's 12 month shots - unfortunately I didn't listen to my instinct and he suffered a reaction. I have been delaying for 6years (I have had 2 babies since) and I can't feel comfortable vaxxing. There is science that backs up my reasons but ultimately it is that feeling that I shouldn't.
    Its true researching childbirth can lead to researching other childhood health issues and before you know it, you really question many more things.

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  10. It is so amazing how so many parents do similar things. As I age and have more kids I am more in tune with the Spirit and realized that this intuition and guidance from God can help in all decisions, including health. It took me 13 years of mothering to get here. Imagine how much more I will grow in the next 13 years! :)

    I was similar. My 1st got all vaccinations on schedule. My 2nd delayed. My 3rd got the first few and then we just stopped. I found a supportive ped and we give him one about once a year. But only the ones I feel good about and my Ped talks about the options and which one she thinks would be a good one to do. :)

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  11. Thanks for this post. We are expecting our first child next month and this issue of vaccinations keeps rolling in my head. Like so many here, I have fears of getting them and not. I appreciate your thoughts on following the spirit and your own feelings.

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  12. I could have written part of this. My first was vaxed according to the NHS guide, without me questioning, until he was 1. He got the others, but a bit later. I started a little later with my daughter and she only got one jab at a time, but she got sick after some of them. I hadn't known beforehand that some of them have bovine proteins in them, and she has issues with that. I'm not sure she'll get any more. Maybe tetanus. Definitely not the MMR (I have moral objections to it).

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  13. i think your totally wrong with the pertussis vaccine causing croup..and to be honest its prob your kids spreadinging it to babies like mine..killing them..the less u vaccinate the more you kill..enjoy knowing your killing infants..

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  14. @Anonymous: Did you know 66% if children who contracted whooping cough were fully vax'd against it? That is over HALF. Those of us who choose to not vaccinate also choose to educate ourselves with the signs of illness. We know what symptoms to look for so we can treat our children as needed. We all love our children and choose what we feel is best for them. You have to be hurting in some terrible way, after losing a baby, but Mamas and Babies and the rest of us who choose to not vaccinate are not responsible for that passing. Love and prayers for you while you are in such a dark place.

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  15. Anonymous, I'm truly sorry for whatever you've been through with your baby.

    I could be wrong about the connection between the pertussis vaccine and croup. To clarify, the correlation was found in a biofeedback assessment and I haven't investigated it further. I found a homeopathic blend for pertussis which has helped diminish the croup problems. The croup has been diagnosed by a pediatrician several times based on symptoms, but I've never had him tested for pertussis itself, because it was assumed he was immune because he was fully vaccinated. Croup can be triggered by other viral infections, usually preceded by a cold. In my son's case it comes out of nowhere when he hasn't exhibited any cold symptoms. Suddenly in the middle of the night he can't breathe. I don't have evidence that it was caused by the pertussis vaccine, so it's merely speculation on my part.

    There are a great many risks with vaccines whether you choose to get them or not, and I don't believe there is a clear-cut solution for everyone in the world. I feel that every family should make the best decision they can based on their own family's needs and circumstances.

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  16. Cherylyn, thanks, as always for your posts. You and I have a lot of similarities, I think that's why I relate a lot to what you write.

    It is a difficult decision to vax or not, and if so, which ones and when. I have 3 kids and I've struggled with it each time. The 1st is fully vaxed but on a delayed schedule (and perhaps coincidentally, has the most chronic health issues of all the kids :( ), the second none except dtap and she is incredibly healthy, and I am still struggling over what to do w/ the baby- he has had several but I know he will not get all of them. Just researching like crazy, praying, and doing what I feel is best for each child.

    Thanks for writing about your journey.

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  17. Anyone can be a vector for disease in society, most especially people who were recently exposed to disease from their vaccines. Even the manufacturers admit that vaccinated people can spread disease to others. Note, for example, that Merck says vaccinated people must avoid sick and pregnant women for 6 weeks following vaccination.

    Pertussis. It strikes fear into the hearts of many parents. It can be a long and hard illness even if it is not deadly, with a spasmodic cough and thick gray mucus lasting for a long time. But for children under 6 months, it remains a severe concern. Of course, the vaccine series is not completed until AFTER the infant has grown out of the danger period. This has resulted in vaccine campaigns that promote "coccooning." The idea is that if all caregivers get vaccinated, it will somehow protect the infant from the bad germies that cause the cough. Is this true? Does this actually make sense to anyone?

    It doesn't really matter if you were vaccinated for Pertussis or not. The vaccine was not developed to stop transmission so your baby would still be "at risk" regardless. And the strains have mutated and are resistant to the vaccine (and probably the antibiotics as well but that isn't being studied very well).


    http://www.nctimes.com/news/local/sdcounty/article_1e57b3db-8302-5313-99b3-f15d48b8829f.html

    “ For pertussis cases in which vaccination histories are known, between 44 and 83 percent were of people who had been immunized, according to data from nine California counties with high infection rates. In San Diego County, more than two-thirds of the people in this group were up to date on their immunizations.”
    More info on mutation: http://www.drmomma.org/2010/02/whooping-cough-pertussis-strain-immune.html

    ReplyDelete
  18. Here is what the actual vaccine company says:
    http://www.adacel-locator.com/index.cfm?FA=protect%2Fadacel%2Fcontent&S=HOME&P=HowS_pread

    “* It is unknown whether immunizing adolescents and adults against pertussis will reduce the risk of transmission to infants.3”
    Do you have the whoop when you inhale? Do you cough until you vomit or gasp for breath? Are you spitting up gray mucus? Obviously milder cases might not have the whoop, especially if you've already had Pertussis before, but if you don't have ANY of these symptoms, consider a second opinion before accepting a Pertussis diagnosis.
    More info on the vaccine:

    http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/extract/104/6/1381

    "The first is that a substantial number of B pertussis infections in unvaccinated children are mild and would not meet the case definition. The second is that all pertussis vaccines tend to modify duration and severity of disease rather than completely preventing illness"

    http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/eid/vol6no5/pdf/srugo.pdf

    "The effects of whole-cell pertussis vaccine wane after 5 to 10 years, and infection in a vaccinated person causes nonspecific symptoms (3-7). Vaccinated adolescents and adults may serve as reservoirs for silent infection and become potential transmitters to unprotected infants (3-11). The whole-cell vaccine for pertussis is protective only against clinical disease, not against infection (15-17). Therefore, even young, recently vaccinated children may serve as reservoirs and potential transmitters of infection. "<<<<---

    http://iai.highwire.org/cgi/content/full/68/12/7175

    "In summary, booster immunization of adults with acellular pertussis vaccines was not found to increase bactericidal activity over preimmunization levels. Identifying ways to promote bactericidal immune responses might improve the efficacy of acellular pertussis vaccines. "

    http://whqlibdoc.who.int/hq/1999/WHO_V&B_99.03.pdf

    "In discussion, Dr Cherry pointed out that in Japan also the reported pertussis incidence in children under three months of age has not declined substantially with return to a high vaccination coverage."
    http://iai.asm.org/cgi/reprint/58/10/3445

    "This is consistent with animal experiments which suggest that adhesions not targeted by the vaccine may permit a bit of colonization and that neutralization of pertussis toxin would limit the severity of the disease but would not have an impact on the initial stages of infection.

    http://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi...10.1086/381204

    "Of particular interest is the lack of a significant ACT antibody response in children for whom the DTP or DTaP vaccines failed. This induced tolerance is intriguing and may be due to the phenomenon called “original antigenic sin”

    What about antibiotics? If you read mainstream pages about Pertussis, they are all carefully worded to imply that Pertussis can be "treated" with antibiotics. That is not true. The antibiotics can reduce transmission, but they do not reduce the duration or severity of the disease, and in fact can extend it.

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14595048?dopt=Abstract

    “Children who received an antibiotic had a duration of cough 6 to 11 days longer and spasmodic cough 4 to 13 days longer than untreated patients.”
    Clinical Infectious Diseases 1992;14:708-719 "Epidemiological Features of Pertussis in the United States, 1980 - 1989" Farizo K M. et al.
    “when treatment with erythromycin was initiated... the duration of cough tended to be even longer than for persons who did not receive erythromycin at all.
    http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/o/cochrane/clsysrev/articles/CD004404/frame.html
    “AUTHORS' CONCLUSIONS: Antibiotics are effective in eliminating B. pertussisfrom patients with the disease, rendering them non-infectious, but do not alter the subsequent clinical course of the illness. There is insufficient evidence to determine the benefit of prophylactic treatment of pertussis contacts.”

    ReplyDelete
  19. Pertussis. It strikes fear into the hearts of many parents. It can be a long and hard illness even if it is not deadly, with a spasmodic cough and thick gray mucus lasting for a long time. But for children under 6 months, it remains a severe concern. Of course, the vaccine series is not completed until AFTER the infant has grown out of the danger period. This has resulted in vaccine campaigns that promote "coccooning." The idea is that if all caregivers get vaccinated, it will somehow protect the infant from the bad germies that cause the cough. Is this true? Does this actually make sense to anyone?

    It doesn't really matter if you were vaccinated for Pertussis or not. The vaccine was not developed to stop transmission so your baby would still be "at risk" regardless. And the strains have mutated and are resistant to the vaccine (and probably the antibiotics as well but that isn't being studied very well).


    http://www.nctimes.com/news/local/sdcounty/article_1e57b3db-8302-5313-99b3-f15d48b8829f.html

    “ For pertussis cases in which vaccination histories are known, between 44 and 83 percent were of people who had been immunized, according to data from nine California counties with high infection rates. In San Diego County, more than two-thirds of the people in this group were up to date on their immunizations.”
    More info on mutation: http://www.drmomma.org/2010/02/whooping-cough-pertussis-strain-immune.html

    Here is what the actual vaccine company says:
    http://www.adacel-locator.com/index.cfm?FA=protect%2Fadacel%2Fcontent&S=HOME&P=HowS_pread

    “* It is unknown whether immunizing adolescents and adults against pertussis will reduce the risk of transmission to infants.3”
    Do you have the whoop when you inhale? Do you cough until you vomit or gasp for breath? Are you spitting up gray mucus? Obviously milder cases might not have the whoop, especially if you've already had Pertussis before, but if you don't have ANY of these symptoms, consider a second opinion before accepting a Pertussis diagnosis.
    More info on the vaccine:

    http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/extract/104/6/1381

    "The first is that a substantial number of B pertussis infections in unvaccinated children are mild and would not meet the case definition. The second is that all pertussis vaccines tend to modify duration and severity of disease rather than completely preventing illness"

    http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/eid/vol6no5/pdf/srugo.pdf

    "The effects of whole-cell pertussis vaccine wane after 5 to 10 years, and infection in a vaccinated person causes nonspecific symptoms (3-7). Vaccinated adolescents and adults may serve as reservoirs for silent infection and become potential transmitters to unprotected infants (3-11). The whole-cell vaccine for pertussis is protective only against clinical disease, not against infection (15-17). Therefore, even young, recently vaccinated children may serve as reservoirs and potential transmitters of infection. "<<<<---

    http://iai.highwire.org/cgi/content/full/68/12/7175

    "In summary, booster immunization of adults with acellular pertussis vaccines was not found to increase bactericidal activity over preimmunization levels. Identifying ways to promote bactericidal immune responses might improve the efficacy of acellular pertussis vaccines. "

    http://whqlibdoc.who.int/hq/1999/WHO_V&B_99.03.pdf

    "In discussion, Dr Cherry pointed out that in Japan also the reported pertussis incidence in children under three months of age has not declined substantially with return to a high vaccination coverage."
    http://iai.asm.org/cgi/reprint/58/10/3445

    "This is consistent with animal experiments which suggest that adhesions not targeted by the vaccine may permit a bit of colonization and that neutralization of pertussis toxin would limit the severity of the disease but would not have an impact on the initial stages of infection.

    http://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi...10.1086/381204

    ReplyDelete
  20. "Of particular interest is the lack of a significant ACT antibody response in children for whom the DTP or DTaP vaccines failed. This induced tolerance is intriguing and may be due to the phenomenon called “original antigenic sin”

    What about antibiotics? If you read mainstream pages about Pertussis, they are all carefully worded to imply that Pertussis can be "treated" with antibiotics. That is not true. The antibiotics can reduce transmission, but they do not reduce the duration or severity of the disease, and in fact can extend it.

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14595048?dopt=Abstract

    “Children who received an antibiotic had a duration of cough 6 to 11 days longer and spasmodic cough 4 to 13 days longer than untreated patients.”
    Clinical Infectious Diseases 1992;14:708-719 "Epidemiological Features of Pertussis in the United States, 1980 - 1989" Farizo K M. et al.
    “when treatment with erythromycin was initiated... the duration of cough tended to be even longer than for persons who did not receive erythromycin at all.
    http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/o/cochrane/clsysrev/articles/CD004404/frame.html
    “AUTHORS' CONCLUSIONS: Antibiotics are effective in eliminating B. pertussisfrom patients with the disease, rendering them non-infectious, but do not alter the subsequent clinical course of the illness. There is insufficient evidence to determine the benefit of prophylactic treatment of pertussis contacts.”

    ReplyDelete
  21. Our children are not at all vaccinated. I began researching this topic while pregnant with my firstborn. Here is a blog post I wrote on the subject, which includes many links to more info: http://orderoursteps.blogspot.com/2010/04/vaccine-info.html.

    ReplyDelete