Confession

I can't sleep, and I'm alone with my thoughts. This means I have time to think about all the stuff that briefly passes through my mind during the day when I don't have the time to consider it.

Foremost on my mind: TWINS

I seem to be carrying larger than usual with this pregnancy, enough that I myself have wondered if I might be carrying multiples. It's not logical. There's no family history of multiples that I'm aware of, and I haven't undergone fertility treatments or done anything else I'm aware of that could increase my chances of having twins. But the thought is there, and it keeps coming back.

I've scheduled an ultrasound in a few weeks. I really want to confirm or rule out this thought. I don't think I'd be surprised to find I'm further along than I thought (despite my dates) or that there is more than one baby in there, simply because of the size of my belly.

Is this crazy? Maybe. I never claimed to be sane, especially during pregnancy. In fact, I believe pregnancy gives me the right to be a crazy lady. I can't seem to control it anyway.

What if I'm carrying twins?

My birth plans wouldn't change. I'd still plan a home birth. In fact, my midwife has already promised me that she'd be hands off even if I had twins. Her words, not mine. She's a very intuitive woman. Does she have some kind of inkling she hasn't told me about yet? Hmmm. I may have to ask her at some point.

What would change? Mainly, we'd need a bigger vehicle and we'd have to move. It's in our lease agreement that we can't live here with more than 6 children, so we'd have to start looking for a new place to live. We just bought a van a few months ago that has 8 seats. Yeah, we'd have to sell that and start looking for something bigger. I might end up with one of those full size vans that seats 12 or 15. Think of the space!

Am I scared? Not particularly. I'm grateful for whatever we'll be given, even if that means two babies for the price of one. I have no clue how I'd handle the logistics of 7 children under the age of 12, the youngest 2 being twins. Yeah, things would definitely be interesting, even more so than they are now, in our house. But we can handle whatever we get, whether we think we can or not. I'm stronger and more capable than I give myself credit for.

So there it is. My pregnancy confession. Now, how sheepish would I feel if we have the ultrasound and find that there's only one baby in there? Oh well. At least we could keep our van and our home, and I already know I can handle one baby at a time.

Embracing Motherhood

I love this video from Birth With Confidence. It expresses some of my personal feelings about motherhood, and I find it very encouraging on some of my harder days.

The Longest Weekend of My Life: Peace

This is the fourth post in a special bi-weekly series.  Please check back next Wednesday for Part 5.

Part 4: Peace

The ultrasound was disappointing to say the least. The technician couldn't find any evidence of an egg sac or embryo anywhere. He was very thorough, but as he searched he couldn't see anything in the uterus or the tubes. He mentioned some “cystic formations” on one of my ovaries, and at one point he phoned a colleague for confirmation of what he was seeing. They argued, which didn't help matters. He apologized and explained that it could just be too early in the pregnancy to see anything. He phoned my doctor and had her talk to me.

The doctor explained that since the ultrasound was inconclusive she wanted to do a quantitative blood test to check my hormone levels and see if the levels were right for my stage of pregnancy and if they were doubling at the appropriate rate. This meant that I needed to walk over to the hospital lab and have my blood drawn. Then I would need to return to Instacare 24 hours later, on Sunday, to have my blood drawn again. I would have an answer by Sunday evening at the latest, or so I thought.

The ultrasound technician was nice, and he very kindly told me “good luck” at least 3 times as I was leaving. At first I thought he was just being nice, but as I thought about it I wondered “Did he see something I'm not aware of?” I couldn't think about it.

I asked for directions to the lab, and was sent on what felt like a wild goose chase as I went from one end of the hospital to the other, just to be sent back virtually to where I'd been in the first place. The benefit of being at the hospital on a Saturday is that there's no crowd and no waiting. The downside is that most of the doors are locked, and you have to figure out how to get where you need to go. After driving and parking three different times I finally found the right door and got to the lab. The waiting room was empty and I was helped right away. One of the lab technicians checked me in while she and the other tech chatted away with a hospital security guard about their families.

I was taken into a room with chairs and needles and all that fun stuff, and I used my labor breathing techniques as my left arm was poked and my blood was drawn. It wasn't so bad. The technician did a good job and it was mostly painless. I had to breathe just to keep myself calm, and made sure to avert my eyes. For some reason I can watch someone else get poked and prodded, but when it's happening to me I can't watch or I tend to hyperventilate.

It was over quickly and the lab technicians gave me a card with a number to call for my results. I said “my doctor will have that” and she replied that it was still my right to access my lab results personally. I thought that sounded unnecessary and I stuffed the card into my purse thinking I wouldn't need it.

I came home to find that the kids had done surprisingly well in my absence, and my husband had even been able to get out of bed to help the baby. We had a simple dinner of sandwiches and I spent the evening reading and enjoying my family. I felt a sense of peace with me throughout the evening, and I focused on spending time with my kids and husband. I didn't worry about the messy kitchen and house, and just let myself have some down time. At one point the two youngest children were climbing on me, and my husband commented: “And you're ready for another one?” I quipped back: “I never said anything about being ready!” The pelvic pain was also gradually easing.

After the kids were in bed I was lying in my own bed finishing the book I'd been reading off and on for the past day. My husband came in and we talked about the situation. He was worried and didn't know what to think or how to feel about everything. I shared with him the peaceful feeling I had, and how I knew that whatever happened everything would be alright. As I said the words I realized the truth of them, and I realized in that moment that I was being blessed with this veil of peace. As my husband walked out of the room I prayed for him that he would be blessed with peace as well.

Part 1: Preface

Part 2: Bittersweet

Part 3: Numb

Part 5: Waiting

Part 6: Writing and Reading

Part 7: Decisions

Planning and Meditating on Birth - Part 2

If you missed Part 1, click here to read it.


There is no magic recipe for a perfect birth. 

We have ingredients, or options, and each of us is in charge of writing the recipe that's best for us.  Why must we write our own? Why can't we just take an existing recipe and hope for the best? The Feminist Breeder writes on her blog why she won't leave her births up to chance. When you follow someone else's plan without serious consideration you are essentially leaving everything up to chance. I've done it myself, twice. Sometimes this works and things still turn out OK, as it did for me. You survive and your baby survives... oh, but I've gone over this already.

1. The first thing to do is become an informed consumer.  I've talked about this many times. It's one of the main reasons I have this blog. I believe every expectant parent should do their research and become an informed consumer. Know your rights and your options, and know that you are the one in charge. As a consumer everyone else serves to please you. Doctors, nurses, midwives, doulas, hospitals, birth centers, clinics... ALL of them are there to serve you. They have training and expertise in their various specialties, and can act as consultants in helping you make choices. Their place is not to dictate what will happen or make choices for you. Uninformed consumers must have choices made for them. It's your choice who will control your baby's birth.

How do you know if your birth will be like mine, better off at home away from medical intervention and unnecessary surgery, or like the other mother I mentioned whose baby needed to be in the hospital where he could get the immediate care he needed?

2.  Assess your feelings and follow where they lead you.  Ultimately you must make a choice, based on both knowledge and your personal feelings. Some people have paralyzing fear of hospitals and doctors and would be most comfortable elsewhere. Others have paralyzing fear of NOT being in the hospital where there is ready access to all the medical technology you could ask for. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is really up to you. I have an almost paralyzing fear of surgery, and I would do anything in my power to prevent an unnecessary surgery. That fear definitely plays into the decisions I make for birth, and so far it has served me well. Even if you don't have a paralyzing fear of anything, you will likely have some kind of feeling that will help guide you in the right direction.

3. Honor yourself and tune out the outside noise.  Pregnancy is a time when unsolicited advice seems to come at you from every direction. Whether you want it or not, everyone seems to know what they think is best for you and your baby. Everyone has a story to tell, and they love to tell it. Whether you plan to go to the hospital or have your baby at home or in a birthing center, someone will always have a horror story or opinion to tell you.

I was due to have my fourth baby in January. A very nice lady at church asked me about my due date and I told her that I was focusing on getting through the holidays and then I would feel ready to have my baby. She told me about her daughter who wasn't due until January, but the baby came unexpectedly a month early and she had nothing ready for Christmas. It may have seemed like a harmless story to her, but it stressed me out!

Hypnobabies teaches women to use a "bubble of peace" to help them stay connected with their own feelings and not allow outside advice or stories to upset their emotional balance. Essentially, you imagine a bubble that surrounds your body and keeps in all the happy, good feelings and blocks out all the unwanted stuff that invades you from other people. This is a good way to stay focused on your own feelings, whatever they may be. If there is fear within you then address that fear. Figure out where it's coming from and whether it's valid. Is there anything you can do to allay that fear? Do you have any control over what you're afraid of? If you have control over it, then take care of it. If it's beyond your control then you've done what you can and you can let it go.  Understanding the truth about power and control may help you be able to let go of what you can't control.

4. Continue to check in.  If there's a persistent nagging concern or fear that you just can't shake, then take it seriously and consider changing your plans. Just like the mother I met who never felt comfortable planning a home birth, there could be something you're unaware of that needs you to make a different choice.

In my case, I prayed. I felt I should consider home birth, even though I'd never considered it before. I felt peace about it, and peace as I chose my midwife and moved forward with my plans. I didn't ever feel a need to change my plans, and I never felt the need to prepare for a possible transfer to the hospital. Even as the due date approached, my midwife prayed about who to ask to provide support at the birth, and a specific person came to her mind. That person was a midwife with extensive vaginal breech experience. I feel God knew my baby would be breech, even though none of us did, and He helped me to prepare for it all along the way. I was blessed, I feel, because I knew my options. I had learned as much as I could and then I followed my feelings. I was blessed to avoid surgery which would likely have been traumatic for me. I had the desired experience and the desired outcome, without having to choose between the two.

A Midwife's Care Under Special Circumstances

by Kendra

"Brian and I decided to have more kids about a year ago. We didn't want to get pregnant again while in school, and I'd already tried to get on medicaid and had been denied so financially it didn't seem like a good idea. But the feeling wouldn't go away, it was time.

"I looked into the costs at a traditional hospital, but really I wanted to give birth naturally at home or a birthing center. I'd always wanted a midwife. I'd loved my doctor in Texas, but I wanted someone who sat with me, who knew what was going on every minute of my laboring process, who listened to all my concerns and didn't try to force anything medical on me. I wanted someone who looked at birth as a natural process, not a medical one.

"One problem, my husband REALLY liked hospitals, and really didn't like the idea of having a baby outside of one. I did some research, crunched the numbers, and like all smart women, I convinced him by making him think it was his idea (Ok, not really, but I did get him on my side). First, I got him to agree with me that it was indeed time to have another child, then I showed him the cost of different types of labor and delivery, and last I had him meet with a midwife at a birthing home. She was amazing, the birthing home was beautiful. She answered all our questions and was exactly what I wanted. Brian (after really looking at our finances) agreed!

"I got pregnant very quickly- especially after having dealt with infertility with the first two pregnancies. But I was able to get on Medicaid and my midwife didn't accept Medicaid. I was devastated. Financially I couldn't pay for something that I could get for free. Luckily, I found out about an office that had midwives and accepted Medicaid. I was very excited. I was back on course for finally having the natural birth I'd always wanted. I would only have to give in on one thing, the baby would be born in the hospital. I could deal with that.

"Enter heart problems... I'd always known that something wasn't quite right with my heart. But with each pregnancy I could tell the problem was getting worse. I mentioned this to my midwife and she recommended I see a cardiologist. I did, and I was shocked at the laundry list of problems I was presented with. Once again I thought I was going to loose my chance at a natural birth. But since there are OB's and midwives at the office I was going to, I was able to stay with my midwife as long as the doctors reviewed my charts. The doctors said I also needed to see a perinatologist. I went to see them, and I've decided that they are the worse pregnancy fear-mongers around. I went home from my first appointment thinking I was going to die (seriously.) They had misread my heart charts and thought one of the conditions I had (pulmonary hypertension) was much worse than it actually was. When this is the case, the mortality rate is 56%.

"Fortunately, a few days later I got a call from their office telling me they had talked to my cardiologist and I was not, in fact, dying. Oh, gee, thanks for getting back to me so quickly! Unfortunately, they were recommending I get weekly ultrasounds and non-stress tests. The midwives weren't allowed to go against the recommendations. As time went on I felt like nothing was going like I planned. At this point I made a very serious decision. After much thought and prayer, I decided that I wasn't going to have any more children. I'd always wanted at least four children, but I'd also always wanted to be the one raising my children. So I decided that after I had my son I was going to get a tubal ligation.

"I knew I wasn't going to go full-term, both my other children were born two weeks early. I tend to dilate and have contractions for about 3 months. So it was getting close to when I thought I was going to deliver. Some nights the contractions were so bad I thought for sure I was going into labor, but I'd wait it out and they'd go away. Once I went to the hospital to make sure, and the contractions stopped. A week later, I knew it was the real deal. Right on schedule, exactly two weeks early.

"We headed to the hospital at about 4 am and we were all checked in and hooked up at about 5 am. The thing I hate the most was the IV, but at the hospital they require all women delivering to have one. My midwife came and checked on me, I really did love her! She would come in and unhook things the nurses had done that I didn't want (too bad she couldn't take out the IV). Also, because I was getting a tubal after I delivered, I had an epidural. By this time nothing had really gone how I'd planned, so I had prepared myself to not be disappointed when I didn't deliver without drugs. Then, they decided to give me pitocin! I was not happy about this. I told them it wasn't a good idea because my babies come very fast. But they insisted because after I got the epidural my contraction pretty much stopped. They started the pitocin and then my baby's heart rate started dipping every three minutes- which confused the nurses since I wasn't having contractions... Then I checked the monitors on my stomach, and sure enough the one measuring my contractions was upside down! I fixed it and then the nurses saw that I was indeed having very hard and close together contractions.

"My midwife was with another woman during this (who was pushing). So after she was done with that delivery, she came in and took me off the pitocin. Then she stayed with me. I loved that. She pulled up a chair and talked with me, for about an hour. My dad called and while I was on the phone with him I was taking deep breaths. When I hung up I noticed my midwife getting her gear on and calling in the nurses. She said, "It's time!". I asked her if she was going to check me and she said she didn't need to, that she knew I was ready. When they put me at the end of the bed and lifted the robe, there was a little head, ready to come out. My midwife asked me if I wanted any of the equipment on me, and I said no, so she took off all the monitors. It was very quiet and peaceful. Very different from my other labors. After pushing for about 10 minutes, my sweet little boy was born. He was a bit bruised from coming out so fast, but to me he was perfect. Wesley Owen was born Nov 15th at 9:09am 6lbs 13oz. And even though so many things didn't go the way I'd originally wanted them to, I realized that I didn't care because I was holding my son and he was healthy and safe. That's what mattered."

Finally, to take a step without feet

by Amy

"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet." -Rumi

I keep re-reading this quote, over and over.

This quote perfectly describes what the conception of this baby and this pregnancy is for me. It came out of so much sadness and heartbreak, after being pregnant for 12 weeks then suddenly no longer pregnant. After trying desperately to fill my womb again with another baby for more than half a year with no success. Desperately wanting to be pregnant, yet absolutely terrified at the same time.

This is love.

Facing your worst fears of painfully losing another baby because you love your unborn child so much, before it is even conceived.

To fly toward a secret sky.

Trying to conceive. You don't have the power to control it. It's deep, dark, secret. There's no way to see what goes on inside of your own body. Waiting, waiting to find out. Waiting and flying all the time towards that secret sky...

Then, not knowing if the baby you conceived is alive inside of you, or if it has died. Perhaps the sky is dark and secret for a reason.

To cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.

Realization dawns upon the secret sky. You cannot be in control. Struggling with faith, fear, doubt, and then faith again, while your baby silently forms in that secret place within your womb. Each moment brings a new wave of emotion, new thoughts, new fears.

First to let go of life.

I cannot control fate. The only way to escape the constant anxiety is to let go of life. Nothing is my own. Not my life. Not the life of my children. If it is possible to let go of life, it's possible to see everything in a new light. To breathe deeply just for the sake of enjoying a deep breath. To know that here, in this moment, I am breathing, I am alive, and everything is ok. My baby is alive and in the safest place she can possibly be at this moment. What happened yesterday or what happens tomorrow has no hold over the perfection of *this* moment, right here, right now. To let go of life means to truly live life, to soak up each second as it occurs.

Finally, to take a step without feet.

Birth.

What could be a more accurate description of birth but to take a step without feet?

This is what I am preparing for. The faith to take a step without feet.

We can pretend there is some control by managing birth, but really is that a substitute? A poor one, if anything.

Rosie's birth was two experiences.

On one hand, it was terrifying. The lack of control--both control of my body as it took over to give birth, and the control of myself I turned over to hospital staff.

It was no longer my choice whether I wanted to eat, drink, soak in the tub, stand up, or sit down. If my body told me to push on all fours, the hospital staff said no. They were in control. Over all, Rosie's birth was not terrible. I was still able to do as I pleased through 80% of the laboring period. But the other 20% where I was not able to made a huge difference. The anxiety caused by simply being in the hospital also had an impact. I had no control over who was in the room, no chance to make totally informed choices for myself or my child once she finally emerged. Her first days of life were in the control of hospital policies, not bonding or motherly instinct.

I was totally unprepared for the trip my body took me on. I couldn't get off if I wanted to. There was no stopping once it started. Contractions came, and I knew they were coming, and I had no way of changing that. Pushing happened, and no one warned me that it felt like throwing up...only in reverse.

I realized something important during this. My body is extremely powerful. It knows something that I don't. It knows how to create a baby in a secret place. It doesn't need instructions from mankind to know how to grow a human being. It just does it from some ancient source of knowing. My body can create a fully formed human being, and if it is capable of that my body is also capable of birthing the human being it created. If my body can create a baby without any instructions needed, it certainly must know how to birth a baby in the same manner.

I could tell, as I was in labor with Rosie, that my body had taken over. Everything was different. Pain registered differently. Time warped. I went somewhere else, either deep within myself or outside of myself. I'm still not sure which. This was the second experience. Something powerful within myself, something I did not know previously existed.

While I was in labor I realized that I had made a terrible mistake by subjecting myself to the hospital. Every time I would get to that amazing deep place, that time warped world, I would be forced back to reality where pain was sharp and intense and anxiety was magnified. It was such a stark contrast. At one point it was so startling that my body reversed progress, from 8 cm back down to 6 cm. No wonder so many women have labor that stalls.

It was the hospital policies that kept causing this to happen. I would have to regularly be violated with a cervix check. Regular time spent in the bed strapped to the monitors for 15 minute periods. People were coming in and out of the room. Lights were too bright. Eventually, against my will, I was forced to get out of the water and lay naked on the bed with my feet in the air and strangers standing around. That safe place vanished completely.

I kept catching glimpses of that place, the time warped world where the pain changes to some sort of ecstatic level of being. It wasn't frightening there. It was powerful, and overwhelming, but it was right. It was where my body--the same body who knew how to grow the baby without any instruction--was trying to take to me in order to birth the baby it had created. The birth was to be the completion of the instructions my body was carrying out, the final step in creating my baby. The finishing touches, so to speak.

You can have a final product without the finishing touches, but is it all that it could have been?

What happens to your body when the instructions are prevented from being followed properly?

Things go wrong. It hurts.

It's painful. It's not supposed to be that painful.

This time, for this birth, I know better. I'm preparing myself to reach the secret place with the ecstatic feelings and the time warp. This time, I'm going to stay there.

I understand now why women need drugs to give birth. The drugs are a cheap substitution for that place. Either use drugs, or suffer horrific pain. That is the choice you have when outside forces prevent your body from completing the final bit of instructions it has been carefully following for the past nine months.

I will not make that mistake again.

There is a third choice, aside from the drugs or the pain, that mainstream society has forgotten. It's been traded for efficiency, for the sake of being modern, for technology, for the illusion of control.

The third choice is still there, still available to choose.

In our modern society there are always voices asking, "what if..."

But what good do those voices do? Seeds of doubt, fear, anxiety. Women love to share horror stories, tell you how much it hurts.

Those feelings cause tension. Tension causes your muscles to tense up. What hurts worse than tensing up a muscle that is working hard to gently open?

I'm purposefully letting those thoughts of "what if..." go. Those thoughts of my own, and of others. "What if..." will be what it is. I'll deal with that if it happens, when it's happening. I have a midwife I trust who will be there, quietly waiting without interference, to recognize a "what if" situation, and that is enough for me.

"What if..." is a lot less likely to happen when my body is allowed to follow the final instructions, to give birth with myself safely tucked deep into that place.

My body knew how to grow the baby. My body will know how to birth the baby.

Finally, to take a step without feet.

*****

"In my experience as mother and midwife, birth is more like a labyrinth than a runway.

When walking a labyrinth, sometimes it looks as if we are going away from the center, even backwards. Yet, eventually all of the twists and turns bring us to the destination. Progress cannot be measured in that realm. What is important is the journey because, once arrival at the center is achieved, there is the walk to get back out again. If you give up, you might feel lost, for in the Western myth of the labyrinth, the Minotaur at the center holds the secret of how to transform fear into the power to give birth.

Without meeting the Minotaur in the center of the labyrinth, that is, confronting our innermost fear, the way back may be more confusing. Tragically, when some women keep trying to avoid the Minotaur, they never make it back..."

--Jeannine Parvati Baker

Peaceful Childbirth with Hypnosis

This is a really good example of how birth can be when the mother is prepared and fully supported.



For more information about Hypnobabies, see the links on the right side of this page.

Birth in Slovenia

"I am from Slovenia (neighbour country to Italy and Croatia....).

"We dont talk about giving a birth in that "pain" way. We are talking regarding what is the most natural and normal way of giving birth for mother and for baby. That is why we do not have so many epidurals, as they are saying that a lot of babies are then being born with a help of vacuum....possible complications...

"My both grandmothers are still alive and one of them had 11 children and the other had 9 childer. They all gave birth at their home, alone, no midwifes....nothing....and all of my aunts and uncles are normal, succesfull people. So we all believe that womens body is "designed" to carry a baby and to give a birth and we shouldnt make out of that experience a mediacal procedure. In Slovenia, you can not have scheduled c-section, unless there is a medical health reason for it. A group of doctors, beside yours, will decide, if you need c-section or not. And it is really rare.

"You are talking about mortality of babies...I dont remember if i have heard of maybe 2-3 babies in last 15 years, being born dead or died right after birth in Slovenia.

"And another very important thing that my grandmothers told to me....lets say advices: when you feel that the proces of birthing had begun sit on a hot towel..it will help you open more easily, warm showers; move, move and move - walk.....; and for the last part of the birth, when you feel urge to push...go into sitting position, hold your self to something solid, and then push. They dont understand how a woman can give birth by lying in bed.

"All of my girlfriends and the other women that I know, have given birth in hosptital, totally naturally, or in our meaning normally, with their housbant at their side and midwife. When you see a doctor during birthing process you know that there is something really wrong. Even when you have induced contractions, they dont give a women epidural.

"When I was talking to a few friends and my mom that I am thinking about epidural...she told me why? Birthing a baby is a normal end of a carriing process, and why would I like to robb myself from that wonderful experience, of baby being put to your chest right after birth, and of knowing that you did your own birth. She sais that it is very empowering feeling at the end, and that she feels "sorry" for the man, that they do not have privilege to feel that, like we do. And my mom was under induced contractions for 12 hours with me.

"And another thing. We also do not have a mesaument for "timing" a normal birth. If a women is not dialeted at least 4-5 cm, they wont accept you into the hospital.....unless they diagnose, that something is not ok while checking you.

"Best to you all......:)"

http://mybestbirth.ning.com/forum/topics/experience-from-europe?page=1&commentId=3120006:Comment:47088&x=1#3120006Comment47088

This is why I do this

The other day I was writing posts for my blog and I noticed the post count on the right side of the page. The number struck me, and I realized that I've been blogging for over a year now. Wow. I do this for myself, as an outlet, because I can't talk with just anyone about the things I'm passionate about. Sadly, a lot of my neighbors and close friends don't want to hear about natural approaches to pregnancy, birth and beyond. It can get pretty lonely at times when I feel like I have no one who understands how I feel or why I do the things I do.

I have a lot of friends and family members who don't understand why anyone would want to go through labor without pain medication, or in any setting other than a hospital. I'm guessing they haven't experienced the beauty of the ups and downs of labor with the intense focus through the strong waves of pressure, followed by a respite filled with both calm and excitement at the same time, all building toward the miraculous birth of a new life! For me, the experience was much more powerful and incredible when I didn't have pain medication compared to when I did. There is nothing in life that compares to the experiences I've had through embracing my body and everything it's made to do and learning how to work with it to achieve something truly amazing. It's something that simply cannot be accurately described in words. It's beautiful, miraculous, spiritual, empowering, and simple.

I also blog because I hope to spread the good word about things that are important to me. I hope to somehow reach others who could benefit from some of the information I've found as I've been on this amazing journey. I don't expect to convert everyone to home birth or even to unmedicated birth, but I do want every woman in the world to know that birth is an uplifting and wonderful experience. If you don't experience it that way, then find out what you can do to have that experience. I didn't have a blissful, peaceful experience with the birth of my first baby, but that experience was a catalyst that helped push me into action in finding a better way for me to give birth. I feel I've found that, and I want to share it with anyone who will listen.

I was on the phone with our family pediatrician's office recently, and the receptionist asked me about my home birth. She told me that her son and his wife want to have a water birth at home and she (the grandma) didn't know anything about water birth and how it's handled, or what precautions are taken to help ensure a positive outcome. She asked me if I would do it again, and I told her I absolutely would. She wanted to know about things like having a backup plan in case a transfer to the hospital is needed. It was so neat to talk with her and share some of my feelings about my home birth and some information to help put her mind at ease. I love those moments, and I'm so grateful for those times. This is why I do this!