My Vulnerability

This is something I've been feeling a need to write about. I've hesitated doing it for many reasons. For one thing, it doesn't exactly go with the theme of my blog, and for another it's extremely personal. It's something that's been deeply ingrained as part of my life for over 15 years now.

My husband is chronically ill.

We have five children and we struggle just to get by.

He's been diagnosed with both Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. As far as we know he's had varying degrees of these illnesses for about 20 years now. I've known him for 15 years and we've been married for 12 ½ years.

He was relatively healthy when we were dating. His health goes in waves. He has periods of relatively good health and periods of severe illness. He has depression, pain on a daily basis, struggles to fall asleep and stay asleep, and working full time has become impossible. He was recently awarded disability status with the government after a two-year process of applications, three denials, appeals, and finally a hearing before a judge. He'll start receiving financial compensation for that. We think the disability income will make it possible for us to barely be able to pay our own living expenses, but we won't know for sure until we start receiving it.

We live on very little. The only debt we have are his student loans which are currently in deferment. We own one vehicle which is 18 years old and getting too small for our family, and we don't know how or when we'll be able to get a larger one. We've never owned a home and we get by on assistance programs to help us with rent, food, and medical coverage.

I do a lot of things to help make ends meet. I cook the majority of our meals from scratch. We don't eat out. I make my own laundry detergent. I clean with food items (vinegar, lemons, baking soda, etc.) that we can get through our assistance. We use cloth diapers because we can't afford to buy disposable diapers. I don't use paper products like napkins or paper towels. We use real towels and wash cloths that can be washed and reused. I use a Diva Cup. Our kids' clothes are all hand-me-downs from cousins, and most of our furniture are also hand-me-downs and outdated. If we need to go somewhere that's within walking distance I make an effort to walk with the kids. I'm sure there are other things I do that I can't think of at the moment.

I've found that these things help us save a lot of money, but they also help give me a greater sense of self-sufficiency. It sounds like an oxymoron to say that I'm striving to be self-sufficient when we're in a situation where we depend so much on assistance from government programs and friends and family. I have to do every little thing I can to feel that I'm at least doing something to contribute to our family's well-being, and these things help.

We don't have any credit cards. We don't buy anything we can't afford, and there's very little we can afford. I work doing freelance writing because I can do it from home. It's not enough to support our family, but it helps pay for gasoline and some other necessities. I make enough money each month with my essential oil business to pay for my monthly order, which is a blessing to my family's health.

I've tried to work hourly jobs, but it hasn't worked for us. My husband isn't currently well enough to take care of the kids for me to work outside of the home. We decided early in our marriage that we wouldn't put our kids in day care, and our family that live close by all have their own families and health issues to take care of so we can't rely on them to help take care of our kids. We feel strongly that it's the parents' responsibility to raise the children, and that has been a conscious effort for us.

I still owe money to my midwife for her services during my last baby's birth almost two years ago. Thankfully she's understanding and willing to work with us.

I'm not looking for pity, and I'm not really sure why I'm writing about this. I just feel a need to get it out there. Maybe there are others out there in similar situations who can relate on some level.

I can honestly say that I love my life. While it's extremely difficult, I've come to realize that no matter a person's financial well-being or circumstances, every person on the earth has something that's extremely difficult for them. When I hear about the struggles that other people go through I feel deeply sorry for them, and it helps me appreciate my own life and all the trials that come with it. I wouldn't change anything about the choices I've made and the steps that have brought me to this point in my life.

I have hope for the future. I hope that a full recovery may lie in my husband's future, and if not, that we'll be able to keep moving forward and appreciate each day. That's one thing I've learned: to try to appreciate every little thing. I get depressed at times and really feel sorry for myself, but when I think about the wonderful things in my life I feel happy.

Most of the best things are the intangible, immaterial parts of my life. Living in a beautiful area with varying seasons. The Rocky Mountains, sunshine, and fresh air. Knowing who I am and understanding that the work I do as a mother of raising my children is the most important work I'll do in my entire lifetime. Seeing my children grow each day and watching their developments. Hearing the words they speak, seeing their bright smiles, and all the crazy things they do. The kisses, hugs, and snuggles. Little hands, tiny toes. Watching them learn and excel academically and seeing their personalities continue to unfold. My religion and connection with God and my Savior Jesus Christ.

My husband spends much of his time at home and often can't go places with us. I've heard people comment that I'm like a single mom, because most of the time people only see me and the kids. I firmly disagree. Even if he can't do the physical things to support us, I have his support. He backs me up emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. He encourages me to do the things that are most important to me, and he honors me as his wife and the mother of his children. He gets to spend a lot of time with his kids when other kids' dads are spending countless hours at work.

It's not ideal, but I don't think anyone leads an ideal life. It's MY life, and I'm grateful for it.

Kangaroo Care

Human Nature

Mother's Touch

by Ashley Montagu

Human kids and kangaroo kids have more in common than you might think. By studying marsupial mothering, researchers are gaining valuable new insights into the needs of vulnerable newborns.

A human body is not a finished product. The newborn elephant and the newborn fallow deer can run with the herd shortly after they are born. A six-week-old seal navigates the seas by itself. Human beings, however, can't even crawl until they are 8 to 10 months old; they can't walk or talk until they're about 14 months old. Why are human beings born more immature and why do they stay immature longer than any other animal?

Like the newborn marsupial that crawls over its mother's damp fur to her pouch, there to spend up to six months completing its development, the human newborn is only half-formed. It could be said that a child's birth is not an end of gestation but a bridge between growth within the womb and growth outside it. The elephant, deer, seal and human all have long gestation periods – ranging from an average period of 630 days for the elephant to about 266 days for humans. Yet only humans are born so immature, their growth divided into a period inside the womb (uterogestation) and a period outside the womb (exterogestation). It appears that if babies weren't born when they are, they couldn't be born at all.

At birth, the brain of the average seven-pound infant weighs roughly 380 grams. To be as talented and capable as a newborn elephant, deer or seal, the human infant would need the 825-gram brain of a one-year old. Clearly, infants can't wait until they've grown a brain that big before being born – their heads would be too large to fit through the mother's birth canal. They must be born with the biggest possible brain that still allows them to get out and then do the rest of their brain-growing after birth.

As Professor John Bostock of the University of Queensland, Australia, suggested, what I call the period of exterogestation is over when a child can crawl on all fours. Amazingly, the average time for this achievement is 266 days – exactly the same length as the average pregnancy.

Two-stage gestation might have been an adaptation to several important changes during the early evolution of the human species. The move from the forest to the open plains demanded an erect posture and a bigger brain. The pelvic outlet grew smaller while the brain grew larger.

If this two-stage theory of gestation is sound, then we are not adequately meeting the needs of infants. We fail to give attention to gestation outside the womb.

The human infant is almost as immature as the infant opossum or kangaroo, but whereas the marsupial infant enjoys the protection of its mother's pouch, the human infant has no such advantage.

The symbiotic relationship maintained by mother and fetus throughout pregnancy should not end at birth; indeed, it is naturally designed to become more intense during exterogestation. The mother who is equipped to give sustenance and shelter inside the womb is equipped to do so outside the womb, at least as efficiently as the marsupial mother.

The warmth with which the mother enfolds her child while breast-feeding is psychologically analogous to the pouch enclosing a suckling marsupial. However, little marsupials, with free access to their mother's breast, suckle when they wish; human infants are generally suckled when their mothers think they should be. Children are therefore in a much more dependent, indeed more hazardous, state than marsupials; they should be nursed on demand, rather than by the clock.

When the human mother breast-feeds her child, the pair make eye contact vital to the psychological development of the child. The mother lovingly coos, talks and sings to the child, cuddling, kissing and caressing it. As important as breast-feeding itself are its associated sensory stimuli – the sights, sounds, smells, taste and warm feelings that comprise the enfolding love that ought to be the birthright of every child.

Several studies show that early deprivation of maternal care leads, in many animals, to failure of both individual and social development. The human infant is in many ways more dependent on such sociopsychological care, not merely because it is born in such an immature state, but because becoming a competent human being is much more complicated than becoming a competent baboon.

Breastfeeding Advertising and Public Image

There's a new ad campaign by Best for Babies which describes breastfeeding as a miracle. "According to the ad, the real miracle isn’t the bra, but mothers, and their ability to make milk for their own and others’ babies."

The Best for Babes Foundation was established in 2007 to fight the barriers to breastfeeding, and to give breastfeeding a makeover by using mainstream marketing and branding.

I think this is much needed, and I'm really glad that breastfeeding advertising has had a makeover. The "Breast is Best" campaign wasn't able to really shift infant feeding mentality in the United States.

However, while I love the depiction of breastfeeding as a miracle, I can't help but wonder if it will have the desired impact in shifting views of breastfeeding. One potential problem I see is that it doesn't necessarily normalize breastfeeding. Afterall, if we want all mothers to breastfeed their babies, doesn't this mean we need to normalize breastfeeding for the public? If we tout breast as being best or being a miracle, are we successfully normalizing this amazing, beautiful, natural, NORMAL process?

What do you think? Does the new ad campaign portray the right image of breastfeeding? Do you think it will help normalize breastfeeding and shift public images about infant feeding? Is there anything that can be done to counteract the mass advertising by formula companies?

Do you know why breastfeeding is essential and formula is bad for babies? The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers by Dr. Jack Newman is an excellent resource. Dr. Newman explains why formula is bad, but the bulk of the book is dedicated to helping mothers overcome breastfeeding challenges and successfully nourish their babies the way their bodies were designed to.

There are real dangers of using infant formula, and this is something I think we should be advertising. Expose the risk of NOT breastfeeding, and then maybe we'll get the message across of how normal and essential breastfeeding really is. It may be controversial to come straight at formula as being bad for babies, but should we be walking on egg shells worrying about offending people, or should we be exposing the lies the formula companies have perpetuated?

Here is a video on the subject that I really like. What are your thoughts?

Celebrating Our Glorious Goddess Bodies

"Studies show that over half of all girls are unhappy with their bodies by the age of thirteen."

I believe it. I was one of those girls, and it has taken me years to learn to love and accept myself as I am. Interestingly, it was through motherhood that I came to honor and respect my body. It was a gradual process, part of my birth transformation. As I learned to embrace my body's ability to birth a baby without medical intervention, I came to see my body as a beautiful thing, made to create, nurture and love. The soft curves of my body are comforting to my children, who love to nestle in my lap and snuggle.

Having a baby girl has helped too. I look at my beautiful little girl and everything about her is lovely. She's 2 years old and she is all girl and it's a blessed thing, especially with 4 brothers! I look at her and think of the amazing things she will be and do in her life, and many of those things will be her privilege because she is a daughter of God. If she at age 2 is so lovely then I am lovely as well, just for being her mother. I want to be the best example I can be, and I want her to have more understanding of her inner and outer beauty than I did as a child. This helps me embrace myself as a woman and a mother, and it encourages me to strive to be better for her.

I believe every girl has the potential to be a goddess, and part of that is embracing ourselves for who we are and loving our spirits and our bodies.

I like this article in the way it encourages women to appreciate themselves, imperfections and all, and learn to love the goddesses they are.

Celebrating Our Glorious Goddess Bodies

The Shape of a Mother

In media everywhere we are given the impression that women should get back to their pre-pregnant body immediately after having a baby. What celebrity photos and the media don't tell you is that a woman's body is permanently changed after pregnancy and birth. This doesn't have to be a bad thing.

This website features women from all walks of life, at various stages of pregnancy and postpartum. Each story is from that woman's perspective, with no judgement, just her experience and her body. I think it's a great resource for women to realize that their body changes after pregnancy are normal and beautiful, and it can help them embrace their new body image. The pictures and stories are submitted by the women themselves, told from their perspective.

The Shape of a Mother

I think it's important to be healthy and fit, but I also think that women need to be comfortable in their own skin regardless of their size or appearance. It's important to love yourself and your body no matter how it looks. If you're unhappy when you're out of shape, you're not going to automatically find happiness with a trim figure, because happiness really comes from within.

I must advise, there is nudity on the site.

Articles About Breastfeeding

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommends 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding for all infants. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) similarly recommend exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of life, continuing at least through the infant’s first birthday, and as long thereafter as is mutually desired. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends at least 2 years of breastfeeding for all infants.

The Risks of Not Breastfeeding for Mothers and Infants

"Health outcomes differ substantially for mothers and infants who formula feed compared with those who breastfeed, even in developed countries such as the United States. A recent meta-analysis by the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality reviewed this evidence in detail:

• For infants, not being breastfed is associated with an increased incidence of infectious morbidity, including otitis media, gastroenteritis, and pneumonia, as well as elevated risks of childhood obesity, type 1 and type 2 diabetes, leukemia, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
• Among premature infants, not receiving breast milk is associated with an increased risk of necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC).
• For mothers, failure to breastfeed is associated with an increased incidence of premenopausal breast cancer, ovarian cancer, retained gestational weight gain, type 2 diabetes, and the metabolic syndrome."

Low Breastfeeding Rates and Public Health in the United States - This is an excellent article which provides an overview of the history of breastfeeding as a public health issue in the last century. It's chock full of information and explains very effectively the need for more mothers to initiate breastfeeding and continue breastfeeding as long as possible. It opened my eyes to some of the real issues in the ongoing debate of breast milk versus formula.

Modern Day Wet Nurses - Touching & Beautiful

Yes, formula would be much easier, but it wouldn't give this baby the best nutrition for his physical growth, and it certainly couldn't provide the emotional well-being and sense of family that this group of women have provided for the infant's entire family.

Nursing Moses: Moms step in after infant's mother dies

What is a DOULA?

The Greek word doula means woman caregiver. We now use the word to describe a trained and experienced labor companion who provides the woman and her husband or partner continuous emotional support, physical comfort and assistance in obtaining information before, during and just after childbirth.

A postpartum doula provides care to a family with a newborn baby.

A birth doula...

...recognizes birth as a key life experience that the mother will remember all her life...

...understands the physiology of birth and the emotional needs of a woman in labor...

...assists the woman and her partner in preparing for and carrying out their plans for the birth...

...stays by the side of the laboring woman throughout the entire labor...

...provides emotional support, physical comfort measures, an objective viewpoint, and assistance to the
woman in getting the information she needs to make good decisions...

...facilitates communication between the laboring woman, her partner, and clinical care providers...

...perceives her role as one who nurtures and protects the woman's memory of her birth experience.

The acceptance of doulas in maternity care is growing rapidly with the recognition of their important contribution to the improved physical outcomes and emotional well being of mothers and infants.

Definition from the DONA International approved Doula training manual.

Breast Crawl - Baby's First Meal

I had heard about a newborn's ability to find its way to the breast by crawling to it without assistance. This is the first video I've seen of it, and it's amazing. The video shows a fully exposed breast.

This is why I do this

The other day I was writing posts for my blog and I noticed the post count on the right side of the page. The number struck me, and I realized that I've been blogging for over a year now. Wow. I do this for myself, as an outlet, because I can't talk with just anyone about the things I'm passionate about. Sadly, a lot of my neighbors and close friends don't want to hear about natural approaches to pregnancy, birth and beyond. It can get pretty lonely at times when I feel like I have no one who understands how I feel or why I do the things I do.

I have a lot of friends and family members who don't understand why anyone would want to go through labor without pain medication, or in any setting other than a hospital. I'm guessing they haven't experienced the beauty of the ups and downs of labor with the intense focus through the strong waves of pressure, followed by a respite filled with both calm and excitement at the same time, all building toward the miraculous birth of a new life! For me, the experience was much more powerful and incredible when I didn't have pain medication compared to when I did. There is nothing in life that compares to the experiences I've had through embracing my body and everything it's made to do and learning how to work with it to achieve something truly amazing. It's something that simply cannot be accurately described in words. It's beautiful, miraculous, spiritual, empowering, and simple.

I also blog because I hope to spread the good word about things that are important to me. I hope to somehow reach others who could benefit from some of the information I've found as I've been on this amazing journey. I don't expect to convert everyone to home birth or even to unmedicated birth, but I do want every woman in the world to know that birth is an uplifting and wonderful experience. If you don't experience it that way, then find out what you can do to have that experience. I didn't have a blissful, peaceful experience with the birth of my first baby, but that experience was a catalyst that helped push me into action in finding a better way for me to give birth. I feel I've found that, and I want to share it with anyone who will listen.

I was on the phone with our family pediatrician's office recently, and the receptionist asked me about my home birth. She told me that her son and his wife want to have a water birth at home and she (the grandma) didn't know anything about water birth and how it's handled, or what precautions are taken to help ensure a positive outcome. She asked me if I would do it again, and I told her I absolutely would. She wanted to know about things like having a backup plan in case a transfer to the hospital is needed. It was so neat to talk with her and share some of my feelings about my home birth and some information to help put her mind at ease. I love those moments, and I'm so grateful for those times. This is why I do this!

Advice regarding breastfeeding for mothers with possible H1N1 infection

"Advice regarding breastfeeding for mothers with possible H1N1 infection
Ruth A. Lawrence, M.D., FAAP and John S. Bradley, M.D., FAAP

As published in AAP News - Official Magazine of the American Academy of Pediatrics

"Neonates and infants younger than 6 months of age are at risk for complications from seasonal influenza and presumably 2009 H1N1 influenza (swine flu), although the morbidity and mortality from this new virus have not yet been described.

"While the advantages of breastfeeding are well-known, this close interaction of mother and newborn also can facilitate transmission of influenza virus. The benefits and the risks of close contact must be considered carefully.

"To protect the infant from possible serious infection while allowing essential and encouraged mother-infant bonding to occur, a compromise is required until more data are available. The following precautions are suggested to minimize the risk of infection to the infant, particularly while still in the hospital and while the mother is symptomatic with fever and coryza:

"Pay careful attention to handwashing prior to any contact. Prior to breastfeeding, wash the breast with mild soap and water; rinse well The mother should wear a surgical mask to prevent nasal secretions and the spontaneous cough or sneeze from inoculating the infant. Use clean blankets and burp cloths for each contact. Monitor the maternal-infant interaction on perinatal floors for compliance with the above precautions. These precautions are designed to minimize the risk of transmission until mother’s immune response to H1N1 influenza is established, and increased, specific immune protection may be provided by breast milk. Note that influenza virus does not pass through breast milk.

"Although the most effective way to prevent influenza transmission is complete separation from her infant when a mother is receiving antiviral treatment, separation may create more long-term problems in breastfeeding success and mother-infant bonding than any potential benefit achieved from avoiding infection in the newborn infant.

"For any mother with H1N1 influenza infection who presents in labor to a health care institution, testing and empirically starting therapy for influenza with an antiviral is suggested. Oseltamivir (Tamiflu) or zanamivir (Relenza) will hasten resolution of symptoms and infectivity, particularly if treatment is started within 48 hours of onset of illness. Neonatal exposure to oseltamivir (Tamiflu) excreted in breast milk is extremely low.

"Immediately following delivery, the precautions listed above should be instituted as the newborn infant is first placed into mother’s arms. These precautions should be followed until mother’s illness is resolved, i.e., no fever, as measured without antipyretics, for 24 hours.

"While no data exist to support these suggestions, it is believed that these represent an appropriate balance between the benefits of mother-infant interaction and the risks of serious neonatal infection. Institutions may wish to modify of these suggestions to address their needs and medical practices.

"Dr. Lawrence is chair of the AAP Section on Breastfeeding executive committee. Dr. Bradley is a member of the AAP Committee on Infectious Diseases."